No Bra Night

I’ve been exploring kink a lot with a Tantra client that i am guiding on an exploration venture.

My last client that has been working me for some time exploring Tantra hired me.

I have been guiding him through the basics of Tantra in the last month: ecstatic dance,

meditation, kirtan chanting, energy clearing/chakra work and this month he ended up,

under my guidance going to a kink party dressed like a kinky octopus.  I got suspended

and spanked shibari style in a kinky party in Shibuya, met the owner and became easily

friendly with him, another California Transplanted Gaijin fluent in Japanese. That night

was easy and fun, I got into my element quite quickly, put on my stripper shoes and started flirting with people there, taking shots and getting smacks from various people in the room.  I’m

not normally a submissive, but I can do it sometimes for special situations or people.

Shibari modeling is always being a reciever/bottom obviously and the surprise and energy

of being suspended and controlled in ways that you can’t predict is exhilarating. That night

it was mostly men. Last weekend, I was tipped off on a big bi/lesbian club night happening

also in Shibuya.  400 women only event open til 5am. It was the first mega dyke event I’d

been to in Tokyo. I’d been to gay men events plenty but not a women’s event. I don’t have

the highest of confidence with queer women’s scene s, even in the U.S, it is simply harder

for me to approach or click with women right away. Men, on the other hand are so much

easier for me. The discount of the nite was show you have “no bra” and you get in for 2500

yen ($25).  Well, that was perfect for me, because i never wear a bra! I bought a lingerie

dress that day but I didn’t know that without a bra, the straps were going to fall down and my

tits were going to just fall out while I was dancing. Way too much flesh for Japan! Women

here don’t even show their shoulders in the summer. They wear t-shirts under their spaghetti

strap dresses, so if you can imagine not wearing a bra...whoah. It felt similar to the time

when I was in Malaysia for a week and none of the women in the swimming pool were

swimming with tshirts and shorts and all the foreigners were in bikinis.  Since moving to

Japan, being the sore thumb that sticks out is a way harder of a feeling to endure

because its more obvious in this society, just like it would be in Malaysia or even worse

in a more strict country where you would be stoned or abused for violating social norms.

In Japan, the social norms of being an  individual are mostly relegated to being ignored

or having an empty seat next to you on the train.  Sticking out is for the very very brave,

weird or always confident. No one can be 100 percent confident all the time, unless they

are sociopathic.  Our nervous system checks and balances us when we are doing

something that puts us in danger. Of course, if none of the men in Japan usually

approach me in public spaces, then masculine women are also not going to be able to do

that. The fact that I don’t wear a bra and haven’t since i grew boobs is a problem for a lot of

societies, including American ones.  I’ve spied a man from a 2nd floor window pressing his

eyeballs against the glass because he could see my nipples through my t-shirt. Since this

isn’t the kind of attention I want, I usually wear enough layers under my clothes (not a bra!) to

make sure my nipples aren’t visible. For me, its strictly about comfort and not about sex. At

this club this night, the effect was nothing big.  I was in a roomful of women in a very passive

and shy culture. But even that night, I was shy. I felt incredibly vulnerable and just unable to

xude confidence in this unknown space. What I previously understood as sexy and or even

normal was just not that, even in Tokyo so it’s changed me, to say the least. I didn’t feel sexy

that’s for sure. But I knew i was and it was okay. So i danced confidently.  And it was an okay

event. No one there worth writing here about though. And bathroom line of 90 minutes! Nanda!

Wouldn’t go again alone.