Do I like to watch?

I've been feeling out in the last 6 months on a new unexpected genre of interest: Reality police and immigration authority docudrama. This is mostly via binging for free on YouTube but I've watched plenty on Netflix about real life diabolic serial murderers and cold blooded killers. It is fascinating to see what footage has been collected over the years and how much technology has changed. I've watched entire police confession footage of family killers like Chris Watts who goes from total denial to partial confession in about 2 days of arduous grilling and interrogations from police. We get to hear the actual questions and how Watts changes up his story gradually as more incriminating evidence is revealed through analysis of his phone, which he willing gave to the police to analyze thinking he would get away with the murders of his wife and 2 young daughters. I've watched the Ted Bundy tapes which should have frightened me to insomnia but instead kept me glued to each episode and all it's gory details of how psychotic but charming this man was. Both Bundy and Watts are handsome, fit looking men. Ted Bundy was highly intelligent and had a degree in law which was why he insisted on representing himself in court several times. Right now, serial black girl abuser R Kelly is under fire for trafficking (real human trafficking!) Of his several under 25 yo girlfriends whom he kept virtually captive under his control for years.  What the 3 of these men have in common is that they had devoted female fans who could see no evil in them and wanted to be the savior of these evil fuckers. Recently, R Kelly who is supposedly broke has been bailed out twice and anonymous women have bailed him out each time. It is speculated that his sex abuse ring is complex and sophisticated, enlisting several people under his command and willing to help him traffick his captors around to rooms at hotel rooms around cities he would be on tour in. Marriot and Homewood suites are in trouble because they didn't check the ID of his underage entourage because they were too busy trying to scrutinize independently working escorts off of Backpage because they ordered too many towels for their consensual clients. R. Kelly is being indicted under the White Slavery Act which was designed to protect white girls from being abducted by men of color into prostitution. But as we see, prostitution is actually not the enemy here as mega celebrity abuse of power is, just in the same way that Harvey Weinstein did his deeds for years as well as how Michael Jackson was able to seduce his captors and pay them off to keep quiet, so that when when they accepted the money turn around and blame them for being money hungry. The defendants of Michael Jackson point to the fact that many underage boys who were alone with him were not abused, very visible and vocal defendants like Mcaully Culkin and Corey Haim. But Jackson, like Ted Bundy selected his victims carefully and kept certain people who fit the target description of those that were killed or abused safe and shiny for the audience. Ted Bundy loved to be on camera in blatant denial to the very end  of his life about the multiple murders of young women, some whom he bludgeoned with a brick, chewed their bodies and had sex with while they were no longer alive. Because I've watched so much of this kind of official footage in recent high profile criminal proceedings, I have grown accustomed to what I know is somehow available to the public. With the Chris Watts murders, we were able to see all the confession footage, several text messages and loads of videos that his dead wife Shannon Watts shot on FB to promote her MLM products. YouTubers have uploaded FB live videos and love letters written to Chris Watts in jail after his conviction. One of Ted Bundy's early girlfriends had an early reserved seats on his no kill list and for that she loved him dearly no matter what he did. When he was on trial for murdering an entire sorority house of women she was in the front row with a smile and puppy love eyes. They eventually married and started a family through conjugal visits in prison. So when the recent Robert Kraft, Patriots owner is arrested and supposedly caught up in an Asian trafficking ring in Florida and the police have the gruesome details and footage and I don't see any of it anywhere online I know it's conflated consensual sex work not trafficking. The massage facility had deplorable conditions? Show me the footage. I LIKE TO WATCH.

No Bra Night

I’ve been exploring kink a lot with a Tantra client that i am guiding on an exploration venture.

My last client that has been working me for some time exploring Tantra hired me.

I have been guiding him through the basics of Tantra in the last month: ecstatic dance,

meditation, kirtan chanting, energy clearing/chakra work and this month he ended up,

under my guidance going to a kink party dressed like a kinky octopus.  I got suspended

and spanked shibari style in a kinky party in Shibuya, met the owner and became easily

friendly with him, another California Transplanted Gaijin fluent in Japanese. That night

was easy and fun, I got into my element quite quickly, put on my stripper shoes and started flirting with people there, taking shots and getting smacks from various people in the room.  I’m

not normally a submissive, but I can do it sometimes for special situations or people.

Shibari modeling is always being a reciever/bottom obviously and the surprise and energy

of being suspended and controlled in ways that you can’t predict is exhilarating. That night

it was mostly men. Last weekend, I was tipped off on a big bi/lesbian club night happening

also in Shibuya.  400 women only event open til 5am. It was the first mega dyke event I’d

been to in Tokyo. I’d been to gay men events plenty but not a women’s event. I don’t have

the highest of confidence with queer women’s scene s, even in the U.S, it is simply harder

for me to approach or click with women right away. Men, on the other hand are so much

easier for me. The discount of the nite was show you have “no bra” and you get in for 2500

yen ($25).  Well, that was perfect for me, because i never wear a bra! I bought a lingerie

dress that day but I didn’t know that without a bra, the straps were going to fall down and my

tits were going to just fall out while I was dancing. Way too much flesh for Japan! Women

here don’t even show their shoulders in the summer. They wear t-shirts under their spaghetti

strap dresses, so if you can imagine not wearing a bra...whoah. It felt similar to the time

when I was in Malaysia for a week and none of the women in the swimming pool were

swimming with tshirts and shorts and all the foreigners were in bikinis.  Since moving to

Japan, being the sore thumb that sticks out is a way harder of a feeling to endure

because its more obvious in this society, just like it would be in Malaysia or even worse

in a more strict country where you would be stoned or abused for violating social norms.

In Japan, the social norms of being an  individual are mostly relegated to being ignored

or having an empty seat next to you on the train.  Sticking out is for the very very brave,

weird or always confident. No one can be 100 percent confident all the time, unless they

are sociopathic.  Our nervous system checks and balances us when we are doing

something that puts us in danger. Of course, if none of the men in Japan usually

approach me in public spaces, then masculine women are also not going to be able to do

that. The fact that I don’t wear a bra and haven’t since i grew boobs is a problem for a lot of

societies, including American ones.  I’ve spied a man from a 2nd floor window pressing his

eyeballs against the glass because he could see my nipples through my t-shirt. Since this

isn’t the kind of attention I want, I usually wear enough layers under my clothes (not a bra!) to

make sure my nipples aren’t visible. For me, its strictly about comfort and not about sex. At

this club this night, the effect was nothing big.  I was in a roomful of women in a very passive

and shy culture. But even that night, I was shy. I felt incredibly vulnerable and just unable to

xude confidence in this unknown space. What I previously understood as sexy and or even

normal was just not that, even in Tokyo so it’s changed me, to say the least. I didn’t feel sexy

that’s for sure. But I knew i was and it was okay. So i danced confidently.  And it was an okay

event. No one there worth writing here about though. And bathroom line of 90 minutes! Nanda!

Wouldn’t go again alone.