But I PAID YOU!

Yesterday, I pulled a client off of okcupid who was obviously

wanting me to come to his hotel room and hook up and since

my financial situation is terrible, I've been pretty straight forward

about needing money really badly since my job as an English

teacher suddenly lost income from several students quitting

at the same time which used to have a more than full schedule,

now had decreased to half, which meant half the income I

usually get did not afford me the ability to even pay rent this month.

 I had to do a small fundraiser on Facebook, which was successful

to my surprise.  Yesterday, this guy offered a pitiful amount to

come to his hotel, a 4 star business hotel in a nice area of Tokyo.

I was about to go jogging but after initially messaging, he was

like, "run over here instead."  LOL. Right away! Here I come sir! NOT.

 If you pay me I'd go there...I thought out loud.  I asked for my

usual rate, but he offered something skimpy instead.  I wasn't in a

position to say no.  BUT, the reason I did it was because I saw that he

was fairly attractive and if you look at this blog in my full time escort

days, I often did what I called "reverse escorting jobs" for a stipend

with people that I enjoyed fucking or there was some other benefit that

I could get aside from their cash.  I am dating occasionally a guy who

because of his depression is not feeling like having sex.  We're

not monogamous but aside from that I don't normally have a lot of sex

or date in Japan. It’s like a less virile form of being an INCEL

(involuntary celibate).  It's been a hard place for me in this department.  

I had just masturbated that morning thinking exactly that I wanted to

suck someone’s dick again.  My defunct lover has a wonderful

cock and I miss it in my mouth...but alas, since he is not able to

fulfill me then I have already made an agreement with him to seek

my needs elsewhere.  Also, he understands that I work and that's such

an important quality in potential boyfriends.  Work, however, doesn't

usually ever replace intimacy between real life bonds, this is why it

0should not ever be seen as a threat.  

I enter his hotel room and he is decent looking.  I set up my Tantra temple

because Tantra is the easiest way to develop a spiritual chemical bond

between two strangers.  Candles, incense, eye gazing.  These are the

elements of connection to being anything, if it is to happen.  I massage him

and honor his body from head to toe.  Eventually I get to sucking his dick.

 It’s fun.  He gets to start to finger me and then stops!  He says,”well, the

fact that I have to do this is turning me off actually.  I know it’s selfish.

 I’m sorry.  But I thought that since I paid you…”

Okay STOP.  I tried to continue to touch him and he corrected me on

how to touch him, which was fine, i’m open to correction, but I was touching

him more to relax myself into a calm so I wouldn’t become angry at his

selfish comment.  In my eyes, if this were to be a cheap sex work

transaction, he MUST satisfy me too.  And if not, then oh well, I earn

what he was giving me with just the massage and nothing else.  He kept

trying to go inside me right away, sans foreplay or making my pussy wet.

I knew it wasn’t going to work.  Especially now that I was disgusted with

his comments and personality.  “Yeah, actually, I’m done now.” I said.

“I’d like to stop here.”  He said he wasn’t offended.  That was part of the

deal anyway, somewhat non obligatory hooking up if we felt MUTUALLY  

interested in doing that.  And, yeah, i wasn’t going to sit there and give him

a $500 goddess worshipping if he was going to prove to be unworthy

in every form.  He kept trying to get rid of me while I was still standing

there.  “Alright.  Thanks for coming by.”  he was saying as I was putting

my sweater on and checking his room to make sure I had collected all

my props.  At one point, I remember saying, “Can you just wait a second?”

 I took a 2 minute shower without asking.  I never ask clients.

I feel entitled to wash up if we have had sexual activity.

A whore bath to wash off his energy.  I left, one bill heavier than I came in.

 I wasn’t going to let him in my sacred temple.  He didn’t deserve me.  I

already gave him way more than his money's worth in my eyes. And I

didn't even resort to being the old me, the real Jenna Bie of the old days,

the one that wreaked havok on those that felt entitled for $100.

Survivor in the East, Survivor in the West

I’m always toying with the idea of re-entering the world of escorting, mainly because in Japan my income is so little as a teacher and if I only had a few more sex work dollars then I could just fix this terrible financial situation that I’ve found myself in since Backpage closed.  There are other outlets apparently, but I’ve tried to post some ads on them and they have gotten me only a few hits here and there. My mom and sister were in town this week and every time I find myself frankly speaking my mind about Japan, which is something that Japanese never do, my sister seems to reply “Well then, why are you still here?” This reaction seems oversimplified to me, its the equivalent of when Americans say,”Well then go back to your country” as if feeling fulfilled can be achieved by just up and leaving every time something is unsatisfactory in your environment, like switching seats in a train.  It’s an important skill to be able to ignore these pieces of oversimplified advice. Toss them out like pieces of shit on your lawn because people will always react like this, no matter what side you are presenting from. To date, I tried to apply at two strip clubs, one dating agency and one hostess club in Japan and got rejected by all of them. I got interviews from 2 of them, and did them in Japanese but still I never got the job. The potential entry back into sex work got even more real when I ended up in Sydney last month and had spent my last cash, so I ended up getting a few shifts at a massage/brothel incall in Kings Cross.  It wasn’t a bad set up, the people were nice, but I didn’t get any customers. I was supplied with a pile of condoms and I waited in my room all night long. An incredible amount of self love is required when we are in this situation. It’s really hard to face so much rejection and just keep keeping on. Men come to your door, greet you (Sydney) and then you don’t get a booking. You go through an entire interview and then you don’t hear from the people, and you are getting even lower than low on money. I am single usually so when I travel around I’m usually looking for dates on okcupid, not usually with the intention of hooking guys but with the intention of really dating for fun and not work.  I am kind of a rare sex worker in that I do date and have sex for no money if I like someone. I did get an invitation from some guy who had an apartment at the beach with a spare room to come stay with him. I felt game to try to see if i’d be in good luck with him, which good luck while traveling has also a lot to do with safety from violence. He picks me up and my giant backpack from the train station on the back of his moped. He holds my hand right from the get go just like they do in Japan. I think that shit is weird when Japanese people do it, but even weirder when non Japanese do it. He kisses me on my lips and I’m totally not ready to receive it but I don’t turn away. Weird. Everything you’re doing is weird, I think.  We go back to his place and his 7 year old son is there playing video games with a full head set on. He barely acknowledges us as we walk in. I’m sure this dude brings home random women home all the time so the kid just resorts to tuning out completely to deal with his dad’s antics. It’s kind of weird for me too but I’m a beggar not a chooser in this situation. The room I get ot use is an amazing room at Bondi beach, a window that has a view of the sea in the corner and a large bed all to myself. I don’t even have to share a room with this guy which is great. This was way better than the backpacker hostel I had booked for the night so I just wasted that reservation in exchange for this deal. The dude has 2 nice bicycles and he lives right by the beach so he sets us up to go on a little bike ride down to beautiful Bondi beach, leaving his zombie son playing video games.  He ended up being an asswipe who kicked me out with my bags on the street because I wouldn’t fuck him but he was never alone with me ever and he actually did a bunch of really weird and odd things that made shit just impossible, not like I was even attracted to him anyway. He had a bunch of different Asian girls around him at all time, all from Asia, and...while I live in Japan and speak Japanese, I’m truly an American when it comes to my attitude and feminism so just pulling some flirty stunts thinking i’m going hop on the white dick is just not going to cut it. While it was hard to be literally kicked out like a 5 dollar hoe, i managed. There was a gorgeous young guy who actually bought me bus fare so i could get to the train station and then from there I was able to use my credit card to get to a friend from Facebook that offered me a couch to stay in for the rest of my time in Aus.  It helps that i’m also strong, smart and resilient.

The Sound of What You Used To Know So Well (1 of 2)

Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap.  This is the sound of the skin (or maybe collected air) of a
man banging his body against my ass when he is pounding his cock into me.  
You can tune into any redtube porn movie and hear it in almost any Girl-boy scene.
I am conditioned by American porn so its a sound that turns me on naturally.
It’s also a sound that I have NOT HEARD IN SO FUCKING LONG
living in Japan. Oh, wait, it’s not porn tube, it’s actually the sound coming
from my own futon!
Wow.  Someone’s banging me like that. 嬉しい。You see,
I haven’t had a decent cock pounding
in I swear, it seems like years. All the lovers that I have had in Japan were
either too small
(not all Japanese), had terrible aim, erection issues or various other things that my
understanding Tantra goddess self never really made a big deal about, until...

SLAP. SLAP. SLAP!  O. my. God. Fuck. Me. That. feels. Amazing.


Not simply because the penetration alone feels great, but it’s just something about
having your body feel FILLED UP. COMPLETELY. I think it has to do, obviously with the
size of the cock combined with the force of motion and injection of energy that the feminine
is receiving at such a rapid pace. (Sorry to breakdown what seems like the obvious)  
I think the dick also has to be thick enough to actually create this feeling of fullness
but more to do with the inertia and the energy that you are receiving from his hips thrusting
into you. Intercourse that works well is something
that many people take for granted. Life isn’t porn and so many of us masturbate to someone
else’s common work day reality but have never ever achieved this. I used to hear the
slap slap slap sound much more before I came to Japan. It's not racial it seems, it could be
regional or it could be my luck.  If I think about it, it has to be AT LEAST one year, (okay 10 months)
since the last time I visited the U.S, which would be one year ago. And I know who it would have
been with (Edwin) so that brings me to exactly one year prior.
This is what makes me a power bottom. I like to just lay their and receive the masculine energy,
and they like to give it. That’s the essence of the masculine and feminine union. There are
many ways to bond. This is one of them that I like. I don’t like to be on top unless they do the
work thrusting up into me from the bottom.  I’m lazy. I could never sustain giving it to someone
like I like to get it. The way I want it takes far too much energy. This what the male body is
made FOR! I’ve had some alright sex and I’ve definitely had orgasms in Japan.
But, the kind of sex i was having that night has actually been extremely hard to find, and
coupled with the amount of tragic experiences that I’ve had of dudes missing
the hole completely and stabbing me elsewhere with their penis and/or being total jerks is,
I suppose what makes this experience of someone who has sooo much sexual energy so
much more enjoyable.  

Just Like when Eddie Murphy in his Delirious stand-up talked about giving a starving man a
Ritz cracker I was in just as much shock as bliss.
The night that turned into this
sex started with a mutual presumption that it would happen eventually.
I invited him to sleep at my house before we went on our second date because,
If anything having someone sleep in my bed with me sex aside is just as much a
pleasurable rarity.  In fact, one of my last one night stands was honestly for the
connection and what we call in Japanese “skinship” than for the sex being anything
memorable. For a few hours after we went on an awesome date
to this art exhibition he was helping me with some tech and computer stuff. It felt like he
had been my boyfriend for months and we were coming home together as we usually did from
seeing cool Tokyo art and eating dinner, like we normally did or something.

I've gotten used to living without good sex and the kind of connections I desire. It's been a
trade-off
to learn and discover a new sex language which has been mostly not so good to me
but has not gone without some exciting and new peaks. It's very difficult as a foreign woman
to get what you want the way you might have been used to where you are from.  You just
have to get used to the fact that you aren't in Kansas anymore Dorothy and open up to continue
to learn how they do it in the new place you moved to

Japan is a very sex modest country, pixelized genitals and barely any midriffs can ever be
seen even from young people in the summer in Japan.  This is what makes the sex
culture full of repressed kinkiness that frequently delves into disturbing realms.
If you are somewhere in the middle of desiring to have a live octopus be part of your sexual
escapades and getting asked out for a drink by a man on the street, Japan can be a difficult place.
 Nevertheless, I've been committed in my exploration of this world, if for nothing but to write
about afterwards. This guy was white American, a long term foreign resident who was
polysexual and really into group sex. (like my ex). It was 3am when we finally went up the
ladder to my loft to sleep and I was really content to just pass out, because as I said,
sexual history in Japan has made me kind of whatever about whether I make the effort or
not over sleep.  But it didn't end up in as an all night cuddle party.

He asked if he could, I said Sure go ahead and after a little foreplay we were soon
making slap slap slapping noises until the sun rose to my great surprise! I remember when
the sound started, it was like seeing an old friend whom I hadn't seen in awhile.
That feeling of being reminded of what your original desires were before you repressed
them was what made the sex so good. It made me realize that I could get what I wanted
and needed in Japan after all!  This is a person who I met on okcupid without a clear face photo!
That almost never goes well. I asked for his photo by email and he ended up having pretty hot
photos that I was actually excited about, and well the rest is history.