To Domme With Love

To Domme With LOVE

Domination does not need to always actually be an act of cruelty.    There are many different Shades of Gray; we were reminded by The Secretary.  In both of these pop culture pieces, there was a love affair, albeit a twisted one but it was more than a hunger to give and receive pain or sexual pleasure that kept the submissive collared. It was arguably a connection of heart.

rope art by Hajime Kinoko

My Tantra kink teacher Francesca Gentille taught me the difference between dominance and being domineering.  She put into place something that I had been practicing for years.  Real dominance doesn't require whips, chains or any expensive outfits.  Certainly it can include those things, but it should never RELY upon external sources.  It should be your presence, knowledge, internal power, energy and skills that inspire their submission. And because i don’t have slaves that are forced to serve, I am able to convey my dominance and achieve the willing and gracious servitude of my very humble submissives through my confidence of character, practical teachings and intentional language of authority that wields energy skillfully as their dominant goddess.  I am a goddess not because I wear an outfit or deem all women to be inherently superior to men, I believe that I embody the energy of the fluid gendered divine force that uses my body as a physical channel. I believe that my submissives are gods that I am training and not trash. I can guide and mentor them to discover the power that they are unable to see in themselves through their trust in my transfer of knowledge and spirit into their physical body via my physical and non physical energetic body cock.  (Yes, I did say that).  But first, a MUTUAL trust is formed.  I cast my magical web of sub space around my beautiful god or goddess.  

And like kinbaku creations they are 取れあえずだね。Just for now.  一時的。Every moment is what we seek.  The journey, not the outcome. A climax.  A resting period.  An unraveling and starting over.  There are many lessons to be learned and exchanged in Kink and BDSM even without cruelty or even working with darkness so much as SHADOW.   All light needs shadow.  Life (flowers, crops, etc) need periods of dark to grow.  And so do we.    

Recently, I’ve been reading Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages as well as reading many other relationship theory books and online resources.  Chapman has more Christian devotional versions of his teachings than others, but the resources that are not so religious devoted speak to me and are relative to my life as a professional Tantric dominant.  Tantra is a spiritual philosophy not a religion and I am actually averse to teachings that are too heavy with Christian dogma, but Chapman has selections that seem to be written for the non religious masses.   I understand how to take what I want and leave the rest behind when learning, as you should when you are learning from the internet, me or anyone else.  The main idea of Love Languages is for you to identify, understand and start speaking and mastering your partner’s language of love, if your goal is to remain together and happy.   This is one of the things I train my submissives to do.  The results of my online test rank “acts of service” high as one of my Love languages, “words of affection” and “physical touch” also rank high.  I think within the kink world this type of physical touch can be broken down even further into pain, bondage, electric shock, however for the sake of simplicity we will focus on non impact touching.

My requests to my submissives are to try to make my life easier, not harder.  This is how you can prove your devotion to the goddess.  Sometimes, these can be a mere illusion and the tasks are just used as a training exercise to build my brand of “sub space.”  I know well, after years of being a dominant, however that if you really want something done well, you cannot let a collared submissive take care of it.  Perhaps for a few things this might work well with, but not with too many things and certainly not things of great importance.  Of course, as with all relationships the amount of trust usually increases with the amount of time you spend together, and I typically have only short term contracted subs and none of them have proven worthy of extremely important tasks.  Subs are after all still gods in training and I see them as students, therefore, it would be similar to a teacher asking the student to take over the class or watch the kids, too much responsibility too soon would be naive of the domme.   I am no brat tamer and have little patience for those that attempt to manipulate my kindness.
At this point of my career as a goddess, if you are teachable and submissive and willing to follow my guidance you are already speaking my love language.  If you call me ma’am and goddess as instructed, you are also speaking my love language.  If I call you my “sub” I explain to you that it is an earned title that not everyone gets because they think they are submissive, it is actually a term of endearment and affection for me.   There have been cases where once I realized that the person calling himself “submissive” was not truly submissive but manipulative or attempting to top from the bottom the title of “sub” is immediately dropped and they get no naming of any kind from me.  Maybe, even their government name is used, so that I can emphasize to them that I am on to their charade.  I spend little wasted time continuing to engage and usually we go our separate ways.

rope art by Hajime Kinoko

  In the art of Tantra, the energetic exchange using the heart is the other greatest element of how we can dominate with LOVE.  When I say this, I also mean directly and implicitly transmitting energy from my heart to yours, either by direct physical contact of your or my heart or by consciously directing the energy with my mind or by direct contact with my hand on your heart or leading of your hand onto mine.  If I am switching, I make sure that my domme knows that this is something that I actually need for reassurance of his love and trust.  It has the power to calm the nerves, breath and body.  It is deeply felt and instantaneous.   For me to submit, there is not just aftercare, there is during care.  My HEART is directly and implicitly involved in everything I do as both a dominant and a submissive.  If this cannot be attained, I am not interested.