#metoo #ustoo #whorestoo Part 2

As an escort, I met Hollywood producers of films and music. I have always been a musician and multimedia performer since my youth. I was tempted with opportunities and promises to get my music heard or a role in a film. Because of my years in the sex game, I was possibly better at the hustle that some of these A list celebrities might have been. Women in Hollywood are expected to be whores but get docked for taking roles that are too trashy because they will be type cast. Many of them even become outspoken about those of us in the sex industry even as they claim to be sex positive on their shows. So the mouthpiece of oppression against women also wears a dress in order to make things even more complex. Think of the assistants who were complicit in setting up meetings for Weinstein to rape in his hotel suites. This is why these types of men, the same type as my 25 year old boss who took his 15 year old to the night baseball game wanted someone green and naive and willing to please. But, even at 15 I knew better. I told my coworker and he told our supervisor and a whole disciplinary action meeting was called in our office, I quit and went back to school after that summer. He never got what he wanted from me but an arm around me at a game and a few teen sex stories from his office worker.

I feel like what makes Rose McGowan so fierce is because she was, at a young age born into a sexually abusive cult and emancipated herself from it and jumped into a different cult, the Hollywood film industry; and similar to me in my early days of sex work felt empowered and unstoppable until meeting Weinstein. Women like us decided early on: NEVER AGAIN. But, this doesn’t mean that the break is clean. Life, after all is not a Hollywood movie, even and especially if you are fucking with Hollywood people. I’ve met music producers who promised red carpets, who have worked with Rihanna on tracks, men who were musicians with gold records on their studio walls, with pictures of celebrities that I knew and admired. They seemed to definitely talk just like the accounts of actors who have been preyed upon by Weinstein and Louis CK and Kevin Spacey and Cosby and...and...and (insert more names but we will run out of room). I told myself that no opportunity was worth it if I had to be pimped to be in it. For me as an independent escort, being pimped was more than having an agency book clients for me, pimped was the abusive slimy pimp power that looks and hurts the same as relationship violence in prostitution. It is the coercion and fear of losing your mind and body in a way that relationship violence does to all those that are submissive within it. It is the eventual conditioning to love and protect your daddy/abuser/pimp. I know about the hunger to go beyond being a backpage escort into legit fame, I lived in Los Angeles, I worked with these guys Hollywood hotels, roach motels and mansions in the hills. This was my 5 to 9. (am). But, I had in my mind a specific way that it should feel if I were to do it, and the opportunities that were proposed to me never felt like they would carry me to where I wanted to go. Many women don’t know how to say no to golden carrots, and in sex work we learn how to do this quickly because our lives and livelihood depend on it. This morning I get a text from someone asking me “Have I ever been a personal assistant to a millionaire?” and as I start screening him transparently with basic but assertive questions, I tell him,”I am assessing your credibility.” he stops texting. “It seems like you have a problem with me.” Conversation over, but for many of these women who were victims of Weinstein it was where a spark of hope began.

The way that it is told to us how Cosby drugged his victims is luckily something that I never encountered. The drugs I did with clients, we did together, consensually and they were always days more fucked up on substances than the few hours of lines that I was doing. The thing that I believe looking death in the eyes and learning how to smile while saying “Nope, I’m not going with you. Not today, Satan.” is the thing that years of escorting in LA taught me. Over the years, I met famous people who were sweet and kind and wanted not even intercourse from me. They wanted to be seen as regular guys with human needs. This is another thing that escorting in LA taught me. Once, I even walked into the million dollar home of one of the writers of what I consider to be stomach on the floor the funniest movie of all time (and it wasn’t a Louis CK film). I enthusiastically offered to him that I would be his assistant and water his plants and walk his dog if he wanted. We didn’t have sex. And he never called me again. So, while, abuse of power comes as no surprise, not all men with power and connections abuse their power and want to prey on their admirers. Of the nice guys with connections and fame that I met, I never was afforded any opportunities that led to anywhere mainstream. They often say all the players in Hollywood are prostitutes and pimps and since I was an escort I thought I might fit well in the glittering glamour of it all, but the basic business tactics and realness of sex work probably created a wall that protected me from it. I hope it all changes after this shit settles, and I actually have a little bit of hope that it will, because evolution and fall of empire is inevitable.

#metoo #ustoo #whorestoo part 1

The reason why I and many other sex workers found their way into the sex industry as a career was the first night that they work they realized something great about the power of their sexuality. More ingrained than just making cash on stage and in your hand to count at the end of a long night of lap dancing, it was the immediate reversal of the shame and feeling of guilt for having been born and grown into something that men desired to have sex with. It had to be me, not them. There was something fundamentally wrong with me for having gotten drunk with him alone, for having taken out the garbage in shorts at the age of 15, for going to a night baseball game alone with my boss and talking to him candidly about losing my virginity. My bad. Suddenly, when the blossoming whore or sex starlet (like Rose) tastes the blood that runs red through our societies swallows for the first time in a delicious and willing, empowering way it often becomes a path that we speed down without looking back. It’s like the moment when you realize that your period is not a curse, but the Universe’s greatest gift of life. This is the secret that patriarchy tries to hide and silence, and more than a decade later after having gone tired of the physical and objectification realm of sex work/sex object as a form of empowerment, I reached a new and different state of empowerment that I felt was far more sustainable than my physical beauty or any pile of cash. They can make it rain on you, but we soon get to know very well that the weather changes. Because there were things that happened to me before I even put on a 6” stiletto, it was for years wonderful to be able to vocalize my boundaries to men who were not the men who had violated my boundaries before or broken my teenage heart and hopes with their carnal desires. But I soon got tired of stripping and moved into sensual massage, domination and then escorting or having sex for piles of cash). I felt that I was ready to go there.

But more importantly, i wanted to dive into the deepest, lowest form of female existence that there was in order to see how she lived and ate and went to sleep at night amidst all of the hatred and violence and disdain from the men and women of the world.

Like anything else that I have become in my life, there were doors that were put in front of me to open, and doors that I walked through. I was not forced or trafficked, I walked into the darkness and walked out gleefully that I had not only survived but thrived...for a while. When I hear the tapes of women who were tempted with fame, connections, career boosts and more by Weinstein, I reflect upon the many years and the many wealthy and powerful men that I met through craigslist and backpage and the escort agencies I had. It doesn’t take long to reach sophomore status as an escort and I think that was what I wanted to get to. I wanted the idea of a man whipping his dick out on me or desiring me to not be so unnerving, and then later as my years as an escort flirted with danger on a regular basis, I later craved for the idea that a strange man could possibly rape and or kill me to simply not scare me. And I did this. I went to hell on heels and walked out alive and kicking, but like any other warrior, i had sustained some serious wounds as well.

Dominance and Submission is a SEXUAL ORIENTATION

Dominance and Submission is a SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Literally. This is different from being part of a sexual minority group like Bisexual, Lesbian or Gay, which are ALSO sexual orientations, and while some kinksters identify as queer who are not LGBTQ, others do because anything that is not vanilla is considered queer to them. But we are in social justice era in America, if that is where you happen to be (I'm not, but I am American), so saying that one is Queer usually signifies the sexual minority status that one should be conscious of claiming if they are merely talking about being white, cis and having a cross dress fetish (not being transgender).

When I say that it is a sexual orientation, I mean that it is a way that OPPOSITES ATTRACT. I am talking about the orientation and direction of energies at play. I can enter a play party or kink event and find my opposite, which is often a submissive male will be inquiring towards me, making upward eyes at me or my eyebrows will perk up when I see a particularly attractive sub action that I feel like clicking with. A submissive will AROUSE my dominance just by being, not trying. This works for me as a sub too. There are a series of sentences or motions; like energetic cords seeking to be plugged into an outlet... It will get me break my protective wall down and cause me to just drop to my knees and want to serve my master. You have more power than you know, even as a submissive! Sway me to move and act. I WANT THIS. Pull. Me. Towards You.

A top wants a bottom as much as a bottom wants a top...this is the basic idea, and then, there is the other factors of attraction and matching that also go into this equation, but if the characters don’t get this basic concept, it’s fairly useless to continue talking about playing.

So if you are messaging me on here or somewhere outside of here and you say "Hey" or "Hi" and "Whats Up" on a kink portal and expect me to be attracted to you in any way you are not understanding the basic principle. You speak casually to me and talk about subbing or domming and you are acting like neither, so i sigh when you talk to me. And I probably move on or don’t respond. I REFLECT the NORMAL that I am receiving from you. You want me to be ATTRACTED to you in a sexual way, then you need to choose an orientation. We are like magnets and without polarity there is just friction. And not the fun kind. The kind that happens when two sticks rub together and don't start a fire. I am writing this because of several messages I’ve received here. And I see my dominance as that of the educator and guide instead of the bitch that just ignores you because you wasted my time, however, i do ignore people who are not a match for me. I don’t cast pearls before swine. And i am able to find this out in a few sentences which is why I always have web based video call before a session.

So take heed and be conscious next time. You want to serve a goddess or a queen then act that way! You want me to revere you as my God or my Queen or King or Domme? Embody that energy to the fullest, and if you need training in this..i can do that do, but also approach me as a seeker wishing to learn how to do these things or get nothing from me.