ASMR and other dirty fetishes

I’ve been on my blogs for a while it seems, and I’ve got some followers that I don’t even know are still following me, subscribers that get notice of when I write that are from years, some almost a decade ago!  I just made $60 sending some photos and mp3s of me (no joke) blowing my nose loudly and dirtying
up my feet by watering my plants on my porch. I used to laugh at these requests years and years
ago, so it was actually pretty fun to do them again recently.  Some people never change their fetishes.
I know for sure my kinks have evolved greatly over time, and I don’t think that the same things turn
me on as I’ve naturally grown and changed. I am one of the many many people in the world who
have ASMR (Autonomous sensory meridian response) and get turned on by strange sounds
like paper crunching and the way someone speaks or whispers a foreign language or runs
their fingers along a certain surface.  If you want to see what this fetish community is into you
can go to the porn tube of ASMR which is youtube. Just type ASMR into youtube and
you can see the large variety of things that turn ASM Responders on.  It’s actually not
super strong in me and I don’t seek it out obsessively, but when the trance effect does
happen it’s nothing short of delicious. And, it's not even sexual in a genital way by any
means, It is different than Tantric energy and different than physical sex.  Sounds literate
stimulate someone’s brain to go into a relaxing trance. Pages turning and African accents
have done it for me in the past, but again, it doesn’t affect the partners that I seek out.

I remember when I was a teenager telling one of my friends my fantasy was to have shirtless
men in just jeans stand around me with books turning pages while I laid in the middle of
them with my eyes closed.  This friend made me a cassette tape of pages turning, which I
still have. I stuck it on a painting he made for me. He passed away at the age of 26 so I
still keep his momentos in every current apartment I’ve ever had.  A friend of mine in more
recent years and I did have an idea of doing some kind of an ASMR outcall service,
which would be wonderfully safe and fun to do. These people on youtube are making
all these videos for free, I have to wonder if they offer outcalls or what they do with their
channels.  While it took me less than ten minutes to make both the dirty feet and nose
blowing clips and send emails with them attached, all the hundreds of videos on youtube
feature people doing ASMR erotica for hours in front of their cameras without real
compensation. I’m listening to ASMR Newspaper Page Turning (No Talking) Intoxicating
Sounds Sleep Help Relaxation while I type this blog entry, and while I am not sitting there
drooling in front of the screen, I have noted that I also haven’t clicked it off for something
else for over 48 minutes.  I’m still able to multi task and write this blog so its not putting me
into the trance state that I really remember liking, but yet, I haven’t turned it off either. Kyle
Minogue would have been off in 20 seconds max but page turning...  I remember sitting in
the library as a kid pretending to read a book when this trance would come on because I
was enjoying listening to other people read their books and newspapers! It doesn’t even
culminate like physical or energetic sex in any sort of climax or orgasm.  You just decide
to snap out of it and go on with your day. No tissues to clean, no visits to the Catholic priest

to forgive your sins. ASMR is the most asexual masturbation there is!

Sometimes you don't have sex at a sex party

“What happens at a sex party?” my married friend asks.

He’s confided in me to speak freely about his affairs but has never been to a sex party.  I tried to get him to go because it was clear to me that he was already not too concerned about being faithful.  He and I have never played together, we actually met at a shibari rope workshop and have practiced rope ties on each other, but shibari can be either totally kinky or just something like a platonic ping pong match for people like me.  He’s bought me some rope but never really hit on me sexually except to be a somewhat service oriented submissive, which I actually really have a soft spot for. If you start to do things for me, it actually gets me to like you more. I”m not attracted to him however, and he is still safely married with children which somewhat keeps him moving slower than he would probably like to.  I knew the organizer from Facebook because she had friended me months before coming to Tokyo to promote her event, and I had talked to her about the potentials of promoting such a thing in Japan. There were 5 Japanese people there, well 5.5 including me. I’ve been to play parties that were all Japanese and all American (in America). I was well informed of the popular format that conscious play parties that J, the organizer was following, which are the opposite of the way things happen in Japan.  Emotional safety is important for non Japanese. They do have security in Japanese “happening (sex) bars” so that the women that attend feel safe. There are safer sex supplies there and conversation about STDs and gentle warnings to people to not participate if they have a known outbreak or disease. I had my period and had a menstrual cup inside of me to hold all the blood inside but I never let my period disrupt my sexual flow normally so I wasn’t going to let it that night. If I was penetrated it would get messy but not incredibly messier than anyone squirting ejaculate all over the place.   I have a personal rule that people who have sex with me need to have sex with me when I am menstruating if they want to fuck me when I’m not. If the calendar falls on the week of my period and they reveal that they have aversions, it would probably stop me from having sex with them ever. I believe my period is an extension of my body and that all lovers must be accepting of me in all of my body’s glory, armpit hair and bloody mess inclusive.

“Its taken me a long time for to get as comfortable as I am about going to these things,” I told my friend.  “I’ve probably attended about 7 or so events in order to become as comfortable as I am today. In those 7 attendances only half of the times did I have intercourse, many of those parties were non penetrative energy sex parties where penetration was not even an option.  This is how you get comfortable with all levels of sexuality being fun and enjoyable, not just attached to one outcome. You need to get fucking out of your mind in order to have a good time, because it might not happen. Not even to women who are attractive like me.” And, sure enough, in this last party that I attended I didn’t end up having sex with anyone.  I met a lot of cool people and they were lovely and friendly. I had a great time and I shared sensual energy with people and it was great, just like these events always are. It always amazes me how the chips fall at these events. Sometimes you just end up getting paired up with someone quite quickly and other times you just end up playing the guitar and singing and other times, you meet someone that you end up getting together with later in time.  I’ve had the latter happen more than once as well. Sometimes the pressure to meet and get it on in the span of a few hours is difficult to do for people. I was surrounded by different people having hot sex, and I’m not usually a voyeur but a lot of the sex that was happening around me was enticing to me and giving me pause and getting me to stare for sure. A domme and his sub were there and he was talking to her in Japanese and telling her to fuck all these other men and then occasionally he would do what he wanted with her body, including fist her ass.  3 lesbians of all sizes were in a pile on top of each other, which was pretty exciting. And me, I was hanging out and talking maybe kissing some guy, his wife was one of these 3 women and we were talking about his open marriage. Then I met a lovely Black woman, we were drinking and talking and then i was by her side when someone was ejaculating her for the first time assuring her that she wasn’t peeing on him because she had clearly not ever ejaculated before. It was a fun night.

High Risk is for the Birds

I’ve been having lots of trouble screening people when they want to book in Japan.

 I don’t have a rigorous screening process like some escorts I know in America.

Lately guys in Tokyo don’t even want to tell me their real name.  

This is so insane to me as everywhere in Japan you have to show your ID and your passport
to make reservations. If you do not have a valid visa you cannot even rent a computer or stay
at any hotels in Japan, i suppose you could stay at a love hotel for one night but its very expensive
and you would not be able to do this long term.  This is how the government here cracks down
on illegal immigration, it makes it very difficult to function without a paper trail.
I used to be flippant about screening but I lived a decade of high risk and paid the cost of
enduring much trauma in my life so I started to change my policies and the violence I felt like
I had to endure went away!  I could bring clients to my small apartment. It’s not a Hilton or
Westin hotel room by any means, it is a very simple studio apartment, however with candles
in the dark it doesn’t really matter. I got robbed by a client about ten years ago in LA, but in
those days I was barely screening clients. They could give me obviously fake names and I’d
still go see them.   In America, prostitution is illegal and violence is high so having a rigorous
screening process is the only way that many sex workers will even consider entertaining a client.
This is a working standard for most providers so it becomes a normal procedure and not a
surprising thing for business people of a certain caliber to have show 2 forms of ID, have
a reference from another provider AND let a girl call his work and ask for him discreetly.
 I’ve been able to get clients in Japan to do this but many many don’t want understand the
need for this. I don’t trust police to help me because of the many years I have in sex work.
I definitely don’t trust American police and believe that Japan is not a country where the
rights and words of women in danger are respected or believed, especially not from a
foreigner and not from someone who doesn’t speak Japanese well enough to explain the
situation.  I have heard that the police often will automatically side with the Japanese citizen
in a fight even if the Japanese person started a fight with a foreigner. And if the citizen is a
non Japanese, well I don’t know what would happen then. The racism and xenophobia
here is selective and complex just like the U.S so I try my hardest to live a life free of incident
which can be done simply by screening and not taking so many obvious risks to self.
Knowing the real name, the accountable person’s name who says they will not harm
you is one step that doesn’t even guarantee my safety!  It just helps build trust. Actually,
I feel since the ball of danger is disproportionately weighted towards the male client, they
should actually be doing more than me to show me that they can be trusted. It’s similar to
using a condom during sex in my opinion. I did recently finally take a client who agreed to
meet me at the supermarket near my house and go to a love hotel together without ID.
I wouldn’t invite him to my home. I wouldn’t take the monetary and time risk to go to him 45
minutes one way from my home either. This would be 90 minutes on a train roundtrip plus
more time to prepare for the session.  I would not take a train late at night and meet him at a
hotel on the first date because if he turned out to not show, I would have to bear the burden
of taking a taxi home. When I waited for him at the supermarket, I felt like I was in my 30s
again in LA. I know the feeling of taking risks on clients well, but this person had agreed as
much as he was going to agree and seemed to want a session bad enough to take a taxi cab
from his work. Everything worked out fine in the end of the session and I was relieved
because I always really need to the money since I barely work in Japan but I always tell
myself that no amount of money is worth being harmed or endangered at this point of my life.
 Recovering from sexual trauma is seriously something I want to leave in my younger days.

FOSTA/SESTA equals Death

A stripper/escort friend has told me that a flood of new workers have tried to start
dancing again looking for lost revenue at all the clubs in LA, hurting the previous dancers
that were already in house’s income. This worker told me that when she tried to place an Eros ad,
what normally would have taken 24 hours was now taking one week to post up.
Usually when this kind of things happens, it doesn’t happen so fast.
Usually when this kind of thing happens, something new comes about to replace the old.  
Regrowth is necessary and inevitable. Facebook replaced Myspace.
And soon, especially after recent scandal, something will eventually overtake what seems
like the all powerful and indispensable Facebook.
But what will that be?? Sex workers are all frantically working to try to make
different things happen and come to fruition.  Will it be a copy of BP using a different name?
There is clearly a large profit and market share to be grabbed if someone can figure
out how to create something viable that circumvents the destructive frenzy.

I have been reading different groups to see if anyone has come up with an idea.  
There is a petition that is circulating around.

IT IS NOW A FEDERAL CRIME TO GIVE your sex worker friend or partner a ride to work
or receive money from them. YES. That would make you a pimp and a trafficker.

Guess what else is being made illegal? ORGANIZATIONS THAT PROVIDE HEALTH CARE
AND LEGAL SUPPORT TO SEX WORKERS THAT ARE IN DANGER.

Thats right.

Sex workers are being stripped of every resource and support system
they barely had to begin with.

In this climate sex workers are left dead. Bottom line.

Sex workers are being killed right now. Killed by being put in dangerous situations
and killed by suicide because this climate is intolerable.

The US government wants sex workers dead. https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/repealstop-fosta-now

I read this on a forum from another sex worker:

"I have just had direct, first-person confirmation that a British provider
entering the US has been detained at border control at the airport and has been
given a 10-year ban on the basis of being a SW due to being a verified
advertiser on Eros. This was clearly due to Eros , b/c as soon as her passport
was scanned, they immediately asked her "So, what's Eros for?" They had all of her Eros
info including her passport. She asked me to not mention her name, but to please get the
word out. FYI, I checked and she does not have an active ad on Eros for the US
(she wasn't going there to tour), but she does have an active ad in the UK."

Immigration is now a scary place for me because I am a visa holder in Japan.
 Any association with prostitution can get you deported. Even if it is in your past.
If you don’t advertise in 18 months then your ad become unverified apparently.
Another worker said that they were raided in November of 2017 and
that’s how this border agent got word of her Eros activity.  
But Eros is still up and running to date, so I am confused as to why,
if they were raided and records were seized then how would they be allowed
to continue operating in ways that Rentboy and Backpage were not?

We are all awaiting for someone brave enough to break through this madness
but all of us are scared
and effectively silenced because we haven’t seen something so
big and terrible like this.  
Bigger than Trump’s ugly wrinkly asshole. It’s hard to have
the usual positive outlook.
I don’t have an answer to even close this blogpost with at the moment.
It has this dark hopeless feeling, a familiar one that sinks into me,
the Grim Reaper’s hand over my little girl’s fighting spirit and desire to
change her oppressive world, but his witchy paws moved
my eye lids over my frozen in the last moment of struggle,
confirming the end and, taking my body back to his kingdom.  

Kanamara Matsuri: Not just a parade of dicks!

Kanamara Matsuri was a lot funner for me this year. I made sure I went earlier than the rest of the crowds and I saw the giant penis portable shrines that I missed last year. Last year I came really late, in the thick of the tourist crowds. I ended up getting wretchedly ill and my contact lens even ripped that day so I had to call a taxi home because I couldn’t see well enough to even take a train home and I was feeling nauseous. I was kind of a hot mess. This year I came with a new lover in my arm and a new sakura yukata that I bought for $8.50 (850 yen) at a used clothing shop on the Friday before. I was excited to wear it out, so I fixed it a totally non traditional sexy way and wore high heels with it with my bare legs showing all the way into a black triangle shaped by the other side of the robe. I could feel the eyes of Japan on me and I didn’t care. I gobbled one of my last edibles and was feeling invincible. I wished my lover was more supportive of my sexiness but it didn’t seem to impress him all that much. I thought I looked super hot, but I sent him a photo and he didn’t really show much excitement. I like for the men that date and fuck me to think I am the hottest thing in the world or at least one of the hottest things in the world. This turns me on to see that they are turned on by me. I like to even hear it in my ear. “You look so fucking hot.” I think, however he was more concerned that I was stoned more than anything which, in drug prohibition Japan anything that they don’t understand seems very edgy and crazy, including marijuana, even though I am a veteran and a pro and I know how to handle my fun. He did fuck me really well that night however so the end result was all good. Cannabis makes for great screaming orgasms, if you didn't know.

We can’t get everything we want from a person, I know this much. His dick is small but I have good orgasms and he licks me nicely. This is really important because I’ve had some terrible terrible sex in Japan that I might even still be traumatized from, like getting my pussy vacuum sucked on by an unskilled and nerdy dude that I didn’t want to have anything to do with but did (it was consensual but gross, good thing I've done so much sex work with these kinds of guys so I can recover quickly). The meaning of the Kanamara Festival is fertility and protection from STDS. This used to be a temple used by ancient prostitutes of the time. And current processions are supportive of trans women carrying the portable phallus shrine down the street in a public and open procession. It brings out other trans women and interesting folks from the Tokyo area. It's actually a very ancient tradition in Japanese culture so you can show your pictures to older people and they can't scoff at it. There were a mass of people but I still had fun and got my photos in. I met with a new group of half Japanese folks that I hadn’t hung out with before and met some new people. It was such a great turn around to the dreary months that had preceded this spring outing. I found a 1000 yen ($10) on the ground and promptly gave it to my man to buy me some drinks. And he did! I like it also when men go to the bar and come back with drinks even its my money. Men in Japan don't buy drinks for women in bars, they buy drinks if they know you but buying a drink is not a way to pick up. Stumbling over on the street while drunk is however. My man wasn’t afraid to be publicly affectionate with me which Japanese people usually do not do more than hold hands in public, even if they are coupled and saying goodbye at a train station kissing on the lips is not something most Japanese feel comfortable doing in public. Cuddling in a park might as well be like fucking. My lover speaks Japanese and teaches me as we interact in our relationship. It is my mission to learn this language so I demand that we speak Japanese most of the time, even if it is hard to understand me. He does it because he knows it is super important to me and he is being in service, which is what I look for in a guy. These are the things that make the goddess feel happy.

You will HATE LIVING IN TOKYO and maybe all of Japan UNLESS you (cautionary tale NOT FOR tourists)

You will HATE living in Tokyo, and possibly all of Japan unless you…
LOVED HIGH SCHOOL, it was the best time of your life, you were popular or at least decently liked, you played sports and got recognition in the cool crowds, went to your prom with a good looking person and also got really good grades. JOINED A FRATERNITY OR SORORITY in college, did a hazing as part of entering this club and you loved that ritual, you still talk to all your sisters and brothers and think that this group was really one of the best things you ever did in your early adult life.
Basically, if you LOVE working in hierarchical groups and was a success in structured “in” and “out” crowds, you’ll do well in Japan, because it is a collective society to the max. If you were an outcast in school, a rebel or considered a loser in your country, Japan will just amplify that all over again for you in your current age. I feel like I am reliving the agony of high school at the age of 40. I graduated high school early after 3.5 years and never joined a sorority, never went to a football or any other sports game at my very famous college, but in my mind had a great college experience because it supported the outliers like me in ways that high school did not.
GO SKIING or DRINKING with at least 15 people. You never hang out alone. Alone? Pfft that’s for losers. If you love drinking, Japan is a drinking culture. It’s possibly the only drug that is accepted here and it is imbued in the culture, even a obligatory part of some jobs. My sister is a groupie. She is always taking social outing photos with 15+ smiling people. Me, on the other hand am always taking selfies or nature shots. Go figure. My sisters thinks I’m full of myself because I take selfies and don't have children. In Japan, i take these groupie shots at events that I attend, but these folks are not my friends. I found that out quickly after one meeting. You can have loads of these group photos but still feel totally alone in Japan.
DON’T SMOKE. In the 80s, when I used to come here as a child, smokers ruled Japan, but shit has changed a lot since then and now smokers have to smoke in small 10 x 10 cages outside the train stations and they aren’t allowed to smoke and walk or they will be fined. Your work might have a smoking telephone booth so that you don’t have an excuse to go downstairs to escape to smoke. Smoke your stick for 2 minutes and get back to your desk!
LOVE TRAFFIC. Not car traffic because no one drives in Tokyo, I’m talking about human traffic as in face to shoulder to cheek against glass with humans, getting crushed in a train until you can’t breath and never, ever complaining about it.
SPEAKING OF COMPLAINING, if you never complain, Japan is the place for you. They hate complaining here. Always have a positive outlook about anything that bothers you.
ARE A great employee. A PERFECT or NEAR PERFECT One. Never complain, always be on time, and NEVER EVER GET SICK.
DON’T HAVE TATTOOS. Tattoos are still socially banned in most work places, public baths and swimming pools, but of course tattooed covered me has found her way into onsens and other bath houses, but I do wear a long sleeve rash guard when I go swimming.
ARE A CONSERVATIVE TYPE A PERSONALITY. You like law and order. You like rules. You like decisions being made for you. You like routine. You stick to it. You are always on time. In Japan being on time is 10 minutes early. Showing skin as a female is socially forbidden. Very few women have the balls to do it.
ARE SKINNY, IN GOOD SHAPE and ABLE BODIED. Japan is difficult if you are disabled, fat or not able to climb at least 6 sets of stairs every day. This is what is required in your train commute if you take the train not to mention the walk to and from the stations. The society frowns upon not having the beauty standard 23” waist.

 Don’t let Naomi Watanabe fool you. Being fat is not really accepted here. You’ll find it hard to find clothes if you are above a size 7 US and over 5’11 as a man.
LOVE WEARING A FACE MASK. It’s a huge thing here. Surgical masks that cover 70% of your face are worn 6 months of the year to protect you from catching colds because you can never get sick at work.
Are an extrovert and a people watcher. There’s no shortage of people here in Tokyo. Just don’t expect them to talk to you or care about you. If you can imbue energy by having thousands of people pass you at high speeds whilst ignoring your existence type of extrovert then Tokyo is perfect for you. You can people watch by the millions in Shibuya and if this somehow gives you power then you’ll love it here, same with rush hour trains in the morning and the evening. You’ll watch people not look at you while you get packed into a train car by the dozens just like a clown car in a circus, except everyday as you commute to and from work. If you expect interaction, Japanese people aren’t really into talking to strangers, unless you are asking for directions, but beyond that you have to join an established social group to talk to strangers. Random convo on the street is rare, cashiers saying anything that is not scripted is also rare.  Introverts might like it here.  There is plenty of false social scenes, the kind where you are surrounded by people but don't have to interact.  Plenty of alone time if you need it. 

LOVE WEARING BLACK SUITS. This is the uniform here in Japan. Any color but black is actually socially frowned upon. Colored ties are considered edgy and usually not really recommended. Black suits everyday with a white shirt. Even in the blazing humidity, if your company is cool, you get to wear half sleeves in the summer.
LOVE BEING AN EMPLOYEE. Japan is the land of the salary man not the rising sun to contrary belief.. The salary man replaced the samurai after the demilitarization of WWII. I was a self employed sole proprietor for 10 years before coming to Japan and returning to the work force hustle was so difficult because I already knew that I was a terrible employee.

FML

I usually don’t wait for clients that don’t follow the steps of my booking procedure. It almost always ends up not being worth it. But, lately in Japan, I’ve not even had one client per month and the last client that I had cancelled at the last minute. They all expect you to be available now. This is true in LA as well, but in Tokyo, without a car its almost impossible to give any kind of instant gratification with the train system. Screening has become important to me since I got robbed 8 years ago at my house in LA, and since then the way that I screen and the fact that what i do is not escorting but something that calls in better seekers, it seems to have paid off. My life is not worth no $200 or even $500. I can’t even get excited about the potential ONE client on my Facebook anymore because they might fucking cancel at the last minute. Backpage seems to still be the main way that I can bring them in. I found another outlet, but I”m currently only in the free ad section until I can make some money to pay for a premium ad. Money is so fucking tight lately. I am working my ass off during the week as an English teacher and commuting on these Tokyo trains and waking up early and not smoking weed and being a good girl and STILL still I am not able to make ends meet. I am so fucking angry about this while trying to remain hopeful and calm. I have structured my life so that I can live well with just ONE client per month at $500. But, if I do not get this one client, my life is really really hard. You can probably imagine the difference $500 can make in a monthly budget. It shouldn’t even be like this. This shit is a fucking joke. In the U.S, I can make $1500 per week and see 7 clients a week if I work towards it. This what I did before I came back to Japan in October. Now however, I’m locked into a fucking weekly work week like every other worker in Japan who gets the same national holidays and the same weeks of vacation off. If you want to travel ANYWHERE during these national vacation periods, even within Japan it will cost you TRIPLE. So I feel trapped in Tokyo, a place that I am growing to despise. The city doesn’t really have any nature surroundings, except for some large parks and some concrete rivers that you can jog next to, but that gets old fast. Having this one client makes all the difference between whether I can count coins in my wallet to take the train or eat and drink well for the month. Having a BIG client for an extended hour session, the kind that i was getting when I was first working here will allow me to travel around the country, stay in nice hotels and feel LIKE A GODDESS AGAIN. One of my Facebook friends commented,”You’re such a goddess.” and I felt nothing but bitterness seeing that. I am totally spiritually and financially impoverished I can barely even do social media for the fear that I will just get on video and start to drink a bottle of wine and whine and cry on a LIVE video. I am not good at being normal. I never ever want to be a normal working person with a regular job. I’ve done it before, but the worst part of this all is that I can’t even afford to do basic things because I am not getting clients lately! So, if I have to not smoke weed everyday (there is none in Japan) and wear a fucking suit and get crushed to death in the rush hour trains of Tokyo and still NOT have enough money to enjoy a Starbucks and a chocolate chip cookie any day that I want then this is a fucking problem. I just pulled out 1000 (US $10) from my bank tonite. I”m going out. I live day to day to day. Spending this money plus the 600 yen of coins in my wallet will use all the money I have to my name, but if I don’t go out and do something minimally fun in Tokyo once per week...I am trying hard to make the best of the situation. I cannot believe that I am still playing out the same fucking poverty story that I have been living for years. But this time I’m not a sex worker, waiting for clients. I’m fucking working a normal job and still broke. WTF.