FML

I usually don’t wait for clients that don’t follow the steps of my booking procedure. It almost always ends up not being worth it. But, lately in Japan, I’ve not even had one client per month and the last client that I had cancelled at the last minute. They all expect you to be available now. This is true in LA as well, but in Tokyo, without a car its almost impossible to give any kind of instant gratification with the train system. Screening has become important to me since I got robbed 8 years ago at my house in LA, and since then the way that I screen and the fact that what i do is not escorting but something that calls in better seekers, it seems to have paid off. My life is not worth no $200 or even $500. I can’t even get excited about the potential ONE client on my Facebook anymore because they might fucking cancel at the last minute. Backpage seems to still be the main way that I can bring them in. I found another outlet, but I”m currently only in the free ad section until I can make some money to pay for a premium ad. Money is so fucking tight lately. I am working my ass off during the week as an English teacher and commuting on these Tokyo trains and waking up early and not smoking weed and being a good girl and STILL still I am not able to make ends meet. I am so fucking angry about this while trying to remain hopeful and calm. I have structured my life so that I can live well with just ONE client per month at $500. But, if I do not get this one client, my life is really really hard. You can probably imagine the difference $500 can make in a monthly budget. It shouldn’t even be like this. This shit is a fucking joke. In the U.S, I can make $1500 per week and see 7 clients a week if I work towards it. This what I did before I came back to Japan in October. Now however, I’m locked into a fucking weekly work week like every other worker in Japan who gets the same national holidays and the same weeks of vacation off. If you want to travel ANYWHERE during these national vacation periods, even within Japan it will cost you TRIPLE. So I feel trapped in Tokyo, a place that I am growing to despise. The city doesn’t really have any nature surroundings, except for some large parks and some concrete rivers that you can jog next to, but that gets old fast. Having this one client makes all the difference between whether I can count coins in my wallet to take the train or eat and drink well for the month. Having a BIG client for an extended hour session, the kind that i was getting when I was first working here will allow me to travel around the country, stay in nice hotels and feel LIKE A GODDESS AGAIN. One of my Facebook friends commented,”You’re such a goddess.” and I felt nothing but bitterness seeing that. I am totally spiritually and financially impoverished I can barely even do social media for the fear that I will just get on video and start to drink a bottle of wine and whine and cry on a LIVE video. I am not good at being normal. I never ever want to be a normal working person with a regular job. I’ve done it before, but the worst part of this all is that I can’t even afford to do basic things because I am not getting clients lately! So, if I have to not smoke weed everyday (there is none in Japan) and wear a fucking suit and get crushed to death in the rush hour trains of Tokyo and still NOT have enough money to enjoy a Starbucks and a chocolate chip cookie any day that I want then this is a fucking problem. I just pulled out 1000 (US $10) from my bank tonite. I”m going out. I live day to day to day. Spending this money plus the 600 yen of coins in my wallet will use all the money I have to my name, but if I don’t go out and do something minimally fun in Tokyo once per week...I am trying hard to make the best of the situation. I cannot believe that I am still playing out the same fucking poverty story that I have been living for years. But this time I’m not a sex worker, waiting for clients. I’m fucking working a normal job and still broke. WTF.