Lookin' like Money Bag, Money Bag, Money Bag$$$

Happy Year of the Boar everyone!  I started my year off right with a New Years Eve with a lovely dinner with friends, ringing a bell at a temple and going off to a club where a cute Japanese guy's pick up line to me was "Do you like marijuana?" LOL Considering that Japanese guys rarely hit on me here in Japan, and the fact that I LOVE weed, it was kind of like a no brainer that I'd end up with him for the rest of 2018.  My secret goal every New Year's Eve (if I'm single, which, I usually am) is to find a new body to start the year off with laying next to.  To me, if that happens, even if its just cuddling, I'm super stoked about the New Year and how it went.  In 2016 and 2017, I went home alone even though in 2016, I was lookin super cute and in 2017 I was even a stripper on a pole with men and women totally into me all night but one can never predict how things will end in a country where for some reason or other my goddess charm doesn't work as well as it does in North America.  I remember one night in Seattle when I was alone, I could take my pick from potential mates for the night as there were lots of them to choose from and I felt that the ball was in my court.  This year's guy hit on me to go home almost as soon as I walked in the door so I had to tell him, "I just got here so, find me in an hour, and I'll probabl go with you."  Sometimes in Japan, it's really easy, but most of the time 85% of the time I am ignored and it is really hard.  I'm really really grateful it was an easy night and I was able to end my 2018 with cocaine, cuddling, a good film, orgasm and some weed.  I hadn't had sex in a long time because most of the guys that I was trying to connect with on the online dating apps were disrespecful morons with their pick up lines equating to "You wanna fuck?" after a few exchanges just trying to establish trust and personality.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when a dude asks something explicit before I've even met them.  Just like a dick pic, even if I want to actually have sex with someone, its just bad form, rude and not well received by the majority of females in the world, even prostitutes.  When I was an escort, because prostitution laws forbid direct explicit communication about sex acts I could just cut men off who were explicit with their language. Take notes: if you can't be a gentleman in your approach you're not getting near me naked.  For money or for free.
I been listening to a lot of Cardi B lately.  She's my new favorite get pumped on female sex goddess energy.  She's a 25 year old stripper hoe rapper, the new Lil Kim talking about money, stripping, fighting and working in sex work from nothing to something.  I can definitely relate to that.  Of course, she makes stripping seem all glamorous and fun when in reality, those of us who have stripped know very well it's not all money bag, money bag, money bags every night.  Some nights it's nothing but cigarette smoke and empty ass chairs.  Staring at the ceiling full of cob webs.  Dancing to no one out there.  The 20s are a good time in retrospect.  You have the best body you'll ever have and the feeling of being a new sex worker is such an unbeatable high that you will never have again, I know where she is in her life and I'm able to reminsce without jealousy cuz I know how hard knock the life is that comes with that money, sex, and supposed power.  I remember feeling the pressure of wanting to get out stripping most of the time that I was even in it.  And what did I do after that?  I became an escort for 6 years.


Truth be told, I didn't have anyone make it rain on me BIG MONEY until I became an escort.  I made double as an agency escort that I did as a stripper.  I made $10,000 one time from a dude who paid me $1000 for every line of cocaine that I could snort with him.  At the time, I didn't do coke with clients.  Or at all really.  And that was sort of the beginning of the 6 year run of more sex, money, drugs and danger for me in Los Angeles.  I never got addicted to anything, but I did have a continuous bought with trauma and danger that I am really glad that I got out with so little long term damage or death.  Escorting was much much more volatile and profitable than my 3 years in the San Francisco stripclub ever was.  But, SF started it all and that Cardi B feeling like money bag, money bag, money bags is possibly the best high a girl can ever have.  I was 22 when I became a sex worker through stripping and I was untouchable for a while.  An adrogynous baby punk who never identified as sexy in the same way after the first $160 I made my first night stripping led to a 20 year career doing various things in the industry.  Fast forward to 2018.  This was the year that I was tired of working my 5 day a week job in Tokyo and I couldn't get an in into the sex industry here, so I just decided to go to a different country and try my luck where to be blunt, there were more white guys that would think I was the most exotic thing and hopefully profit off that like I did when I was in the U.S I remember listening to Cardi B before deciding to charge the whole trip on my credit card, including the hotel that I would work at and the ad that I placed.  This was my usual formula for touring and profiting and it was usually at least a break even deal.  My first few days in Sydney had no clients, and the days to come were going to be scraping by in scarcity, living off of my credit card and the "generosity" of dudes that I met off of the ok cupid dating site.  One guy invited me to stay at his house by the beach, and just didn't really know how to communicate well enough to get me in bed with him.  He always had different women at his house, or his 7 year old son so it was really strange that I'm sure he expected us to fuck but he didn't really have a clear space to do this or to get me to even feel like "paying him back."  He ended up dumping my luggage at the bottom of the stairs on the 3rd day and I had to ask a guy at the busstop to pay my way to the station because money was really that bad that I did not have A SINGLE DOLLAR in cash to even pay for the bus ride.  This ordeal was a reminder or my old traumatic life of risk and hustle.  This is what people don't know about fast money in, there's a shit ton of risk to get it and it often goes out as fast as it goes in.  Dude invited me to his nice beach house and kicked me out in the worst way just as fast.  I ended up getting hosted by some friends on FB who I'd met in Tokyo months earlier that I didn't think were really going to be so nice, but from there it was just all healing and soothing.  I was so grateful.  My new couch hostess gave me enough weed to smoke for the week that I could heal my wounds from being dumped on the street and not making the money I thought I might make re-entering the sex industry.  I had landed a few shifts in a massage parlor, which was really a brothel, but I didn't get a single fucking client.  Just a few guys who I did introductions with but no one picked me, which is basically what I remember about brothel life, watching lots of TV and waiting to be picked.  I think in retrospect it was good that I survived everything without really getting hurt or losing too much money although I am still paying that credit card bill now.  Here's me on the cover of a SF magazine lookin like money bags in my 20s.   20 years later, I can reflect on an entire career in this industry, working with men, men, men for so long it truly surprised me that I moved to Japan and had the results that I did with my attractiveness.  I can say it's because you can't stay hot forever, and I guess it's true, certainly you can't stay hot in the same way you were in your 20s, but I'm happy at 42.5 to have survived so much to tell you about. 

Sit Down on a Bidet Herpes Terrorist!

“She can take an immense amount of dicks.” he said.  She nodded in agreement.
She didn’t speak very much on her own, and much of our meeting conversation was
a lot like the necessary but slightly awkward conversations that you have at the fruit table
at a sex party.  I had packed up a couple of my favorite toys, one that I bought for a client
in San Francisco but never ended up getting use because he ended up being high
maintenance annoying as fuck and I had to drop him and block him from my social media.  
NEVER add clients on your personal social media. Lesson Learned. “So are you clean?”
he asked.

“I have herpes.”  I told them. Apparently the guy I came to the cafe with who had
introduced me to them through tantalizing photos that I masturbated to for months in
anticipation of this big orgy failed to tell them that I had herpes.  They didn’t look surprised,
but they after an hour they said it was a deal breaker for them. “I’ve known I’ve had herpes
basically for almost ten years. It’s something that you have for life, and it isn’t really
a big deal.  It feels a lot like hemorrhoids: an outbreak in my asshole twice a year.” I
explained very openly with a smile. “Thank goodness we live in Japan though, we have
wash-o-let bidet toilets so it makes the outbreak period a lot easier to deal with.”  A cold sore
in my anal feels the same as a tag of skin in your ass. I’ve had both hemorrhoids and herpes
sores and yep, I can confirm that toilet paper sucks and bleeds and can bring tears to the
strongest man. In fact, the Japanese wash-o-let toilet was INVENTED by a man whose
aging father had hemorrhoids.  His father had to squat in the old school Japanese hole in
the ground squatting style toilets and bring a bucket of hot water to the squatter with him.
His son was working on the toilet invention to relieve his father of the pain that he had witnessed
him in growing up. So, the Japanese wash-o-let toilet is a life saver for anyone with any kind
of genital or anal conditions (fissures, herpes, hemorrhoids, or for clean up after sex or during
your period!  It is hands down one of my favorite necessities that I use regularly in Japan.

Back to the couple...I’ve been to a lot of play parties and often I don’t always even
end up having sex.  Sometimes I just meet very cool and unique people, once I've
met a guy that I became really great platonic friends with that came to my rescue during
one of the worst car accidents of my life not long after our meeting at that party.  I’m not
attached to outcomes when we agree to fuck or put ourselves in a space that says this is
what is supposed to happen here. If you’ve had a condition for ten years, it's almost the
same as anything else chronic like wearing contact lenses or having asthma inhalers,
the more of a non issue you can make it, the better.  I did find it hard to believe that they
had such a hard line but she was a supposed gang bang queen in Texas. Most people
don’t test for herpes, it's not a test that centers or doctors can effectively test for when one
ISN’T showing signs. People are still scared of the stigma. I take no offense. I only take
offense when people are completely illogical, abusive, immature or hurtful.  Someone on my
YouTube commented that I was a “herpes terrorist” for example.

All in a weeks work

Making nose blowing recordings (extra snotty, like the way a girl's snot is collected when she first wakes up) into my phone to be sent to someone who has been my devoted fan for more than 6 years.

Talking about why a submissive has the inclination to eat shit and other fluids, not as a form of humiliation but as a form of honoring...I've been offered money before to do toilet slave work, but the thought of it just grosses me out too much.  He tells me there is no smell because he eats every drop of it, but still its disgusting to me.  Like eating intestines, except the insides of them...

Unfriending 2 people immediately after friending them on Facebook, deciphering one of their Japanese to be entirely from Google Translate is quite easy to do now that I've spent some time studying native Japanese.  Another person wanted to spend time messaging me and asking me to help "her" pick out a new slave based on some pictures that she wanted to send...as if other dommes have the time and energy to do that.  Seemed like a total fake person to me.  I unfriended and blocked him.

"A wealthy guy" with his own private plane like me on okcupid, but I didn't make it to the first date (free meal darn!) because he was being super demanding and copy pasting the same response which was not only delayed but contained non native English even though he said that he was from America.  If anything, not only because I'm an English teacher, but also American I can tell right away if BOTH your English or your Japanese is not native.  I told him to call me before meeting at the train station and he got snappy about it.  It cost me money and time to wait at a train station in Tokyo and I'm not too keen on spending either to be stood up on my own yen that I don't have.

Drinking too many bottles of red wine.

Someone wanted  me to do some race play with them on niteflirt.  It's not really something that I even offer but he was keen to let me experiment.  "You need to tell me that your race is superior." he said,"that I have a small dick because I"m Indian."  You want me to make fun of you because youre Indian?  When I'm also Asian?" I said,"Have you seen my picture? Is it possible to get off on this stuff?  I don't even know how people can even get into half the things that they are into, but there are apparently a ton of non Black guys using Black men as a racism shield for their own inadequacies.  He never called for a show coincidentally. 

I currently do niteflirt as Jenna and Kaya the goddess.  These are totally different brands.  Jenna is actually a very old persona that I have turned back on for business to increase my revenue.  I kept a lot of my descriptions the same even.    It is hard to be on a totally different time zone in Japan, when most of the callers in the U.S are asleep, but there are still callers from other countries that I can catch.  Some of them don't seem to need a whole lot and others need the world for $3.99.  I'm not sticking toys and masturbating for less than $100.  sorry.  Too much effort.  I mean, do you want a genuine sex show, or some stupid acting job?  I'd rather have fun while working...

Saw the MOST DISTURBING JAPANESE PORN the other day.  Japanese school girls with sullen faces in a gang bang classroom scene.  Straight emotionless faces even while they squirted.  They looked like zombies.  Every time I see a Japanese porn that is so bad and hard to watch from a women's pleasure and autonomy perspective, I see another one that is even worse.  I've bookmarked all the Japanese porn stars that actually seem pro active and pro pleasure.  It's a rarity believe me but I am keeping an eye out because I believe it exists.

But I PAID YOU!

Yesterday, I pulled a client off of okcupid who was obviously

wanting me to come to his hotel room and hook up and since

my financial situation is terrible, I've been pretty straight forward

about needing money really badly since my job as an English

teacher suddenly lost income from several students quitting

at the same time which used to have a more than full schedule,

now had decreased to half, which meant half the income I

usually get did not afford me the ability to even pay rent this month.

 I had to do a small fundraiser on Facebook, which was successful

to my surprise.  Yesterday, this guy offered a pitiful amount to

come to his hotel, a 4 star business hotel in a nice area of Tokyo.

I was about to go jogging but after initially messaging, he was

like, "run over here instead."  LOL. Right away! Here I come sir! NOT.

 If you pay me I'd go there...I thought out loud.  I asked for my

usual rate, but he offered something skimpy instead.  I wasn't in a

position to say no.  BUT, the reason I did it was because I saw that he

was fairly attractive and if you look at this blog in my full time escort

days, I often did what I called "reverse escorting jobs" for a stipend

with people that I enjoyed fucking or there was some other benefit that

I could get aside from their cash.  I am dating occasionally a guy who

because of his depression is not feeling like having sex.  We're

not monogamous but aside from that I don't normally have a lot of sex

or date in Japan. It’s like a less virile form of being an INCEL

(involuntary celibate).  It's been a hard place for me in this department.  

I had just masturbated that morning thinking exactly that I wanted to

suck someone’s dick again.  My defunct lover has a wonderful

cock and I miss it in my mouth...but alas, since he is not able to

fulfill me then I have already made an agreement with him to seek

my needs elsewhere.  Also, he understands that I work and that's such

an important quality in potential boyfriends.  Work, however, doesn't

usually ever replace intimacy between real life bonds, this is why it

0should not ever be seen as a threat.  

I enter his hotel room and he is decent looking.  I set up my Tantra temple

because Tantra is the easiest way to develop a spiritual chemical bond

between two strangers.  Candles, incense, eye gazing.  These are the

elements of connection to being anything, if it is to happen.  I massage him

and honor his body from head to toe.  Eventually I get to sucking his dick.

 It’s fun.  He gets to start to finger me and then stops!  He says,”well, the

fact that I have to do this is turning me off actually.  I know it’s selfish.

 I’m sorry.  But I thought that since I paid you…”

Okay STOP.  I tried to continue to touch him and he corrected me on

how to touch him, which was fine, i’m open to correction, but I was touching

him more to relax myself into a calm so I wouldn’t become angry at his

selfish comment.  In my eyes, if this were to be a cheap sex work

transaction, he MUST satisfy me too.  And if not, then oh well, I earn

what he was giving me with just the massage and nothing else.  He kept

trying to go inside me right away, sans foreplay or making my pussy wet.

I knew it wasn’t going to work.  Especially now that I was disgusted with

his comments and personality.  “Yeah, actually, I’m done now.” I said.

“I’d like to stop here.”  He said he wasn’t offended.  That was part of the

deal anyway, somewhat non obligatory hooking up if we felt MUTUALLY  

interested in doing that.  And, yeah, i wasn’t going to sit there and give him

a $500 goddess worshipping if he was going to prove to be unworthy

in every form.  He kept trying to get rid of me while I was still standing

there.  “Alright.  Thanks for coming by.”  he was saying as I was putting

my sweater on and checking his room to make sure I had collected all

my props.  At one point, I remember saying, “Can you just wait a second?”

 I took a 2 minute shower without asking.  I never ask clients.

I feel entitled to wash up if we have had sexual activity.

A whore bath to wash off his energy.  I left, one bill heavier than I came in.

 I wasn’t going to let him in my sacred temple.  He didn’t deserve me.  I

already gave him way more than his money's worth in my eyes. And I

didn't even resort to being the old me, the real Jenna Bie of the old days,

the one that wreaked havok on those that felt entitled for $100.

Survivor in the East, Survivor in the West

I’m always toying with the idea of re-entering the world of escorting, mainly because in Japan my income is so little as a teacher and if I only had a few more sex work dollars then I could just fix this terrible financial situation that I’ve found myself in since Backpage closed.  There are other outlets apparently, but I’ve tried to post some ads on them and they have gotten me only a few hits here and there. My mom and sister were in town this week and every time I find myself frankly speaking my mind about Japan, which is something that Japanese never do, my sister seems to reply “Well then, why are you still here?” This reaction seems oversimplified to me, its the equivalent of when Americans say,”Well then go back to your country” as if feeling fulfilled can be achieved by just up and leaving every time something is unsatisfactory in your environment, like switching seats in a train.  It’s an important skill to be able to ignore these pieces of oversimplified advice. Toss them out like pieces of shit on your lawn because people will always react like this, no matter what side you are presenting from. To date, I tried to apply at two strip clubs, one dating agency and one hostess club in Japan and got rejected by all of them. I got interviews from 2 of them, and did them in Japanese but still I never got the job. The potential entry back into sex work got even more real when I ended up in Sydney last month and had spent my last cash, so I ended up getting a few shifts at a massage/brothel incall in Kings Cross.  It wasn’t a bad set up, the people were nice, but I didn’t get any customers. I was supplied with a pile of condoms and I waited in my room all night long. An incredible amount of self love is required when we are in this situation. It’s really hard to face so much rejection and just keep keeping on. Men come to your door, greet you (Sydney) and then you don’t get a booking. You go through an entire interview and then you don’t hear from the people, and you are getting even lower than low on money. I am single usually so when I travel around I’m usually looking for dates on okcupid, not usually with the intention of hooking guys but with the intention of really dating for fun and not work.  I am kind of a rare sex worker in that I do date and have sex for no money if I like someone. I did get an invitation from some guy who had an apartment at the beach with a spare room to come stay with him. I felt game to try to see if i’d be in good luck with him, which good luck while traveling has also a lot to do with safety from violence. He picks me up and my giant backpack from the train station on the back of his moped. He holds my hand right from the get go just like they do in Japan. I think that shit is weird when Japanese people do it, but even weirder when non Japanese do it. He kisses me on my lips and I’m totally not ready to receive it but I don’t turn away. Weird. Everything you’re doing is weird, I think.  We go back to his place and his 7 year old son is there playing video games with a full head set on. He barely acknowledges us as we walk in. I’m sure this dude brings home random women home all the time so the kid just resorts to tuning out completely to deal with his dad’s antics. It’s kind of weird for me too but I’m a beggar not a chooser in this situation. The room I get ot use is an amazing room at Bondi beach, a window that has a view of the sea in the corner and a large bed all to myself. I don’t even have to share a room with this guy which is great. This was way better than the backpacker hostel I had booked for the night so I just wasted that reservation in exchange for this deal. The dude has 2 nice bicycles and he lives right by the beach so he sets us up to go on a little bike ride down to beautiful Bondi beach, leaving his zombie son playing video games.  He ended up being an asswipe who kicked me out with my bags on the street because I wouldn’t fuck him but he was never alone with me ever and he actually did a bunch of really weird and odd things that made shit just impossible, not like I was even attracted to him anyway. He had a bunch of different Asian girls around him at all time, all from Asia, and...while I live in Japan and speak Japanese, I’m truly an American when it comes to my attitude and feminism so just pulling some flirty stunts thinking i’m going hop on the white dick is just not going to cut it. While it was hard to be literally kicked out like a 5 dollar hoe, i managed. There was a gorgeous young guy who actually bought me bus fare so i could get to the train station and then from there I was able to use my credit card to get to a friend from Facebook that offered me a couch to stay in for the rest of my time in Aus.  It helps that i’m also strong, smart and resilient.

The Sound of What You Used To Know So Well (1 of 2)

Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap.  This is the sound of the skin (or maybe collected air) of a
man banging his body against my ass when he is pounding his cock into me.  
You can tune into any redtube porn movie and hear it in almost any Girl-boy scene.
I am conditioned by American porn so its a sound that turns me on naturally.
It’s also a sound that I have NOT HEARD IN SO FUCKING LONG
living in Japan. Oh, wait, it’s not porn tube, it’s actually the sound coming
from my own futon!
Wow.  Someone’s banging me like that. 嬉しい。You see,
I haven’t had a decent cock pounding
in I swear, it seems like years. All the lovers that I have had in Japan were
either too small
(not all Japanese), had terrible aim, erection issues or various other things that my
understanding Tantra goddess self never really made a big deal about, until...

SLAP. SLAP. SLAP!  O. my. God. Fuck. Me. That. feels. Amazing.


Not simply because the penetration alone feels great, but it’s just something about
having your body feel FILLED UP. COMPLETELY. I think it has to do, obviously with the
size of the cock combined with the force of motion and injection of energy that the feminine
is receiving at such a rapid pace. (Sorry to breakdown what seems like the obvious)  
I think the dick also has to be thick enough to actually create this feeling of fullness
but more to do with the inertia and the energy that you are receiving from his hips thrusting
into you. Intercourse that works well is something
that many people take for granted. Life isn’t porn and so many of us masturbate to someone
else’s common work day reality but have never ever achieved this. I used to hear the
slap slap slap sound much more before I came to Japan. It's not racial it seems, it could be
regional or it could be my luck.  If I think about it, it has to be AT LEAST one year, (okay 10 months)
since the last time I visited the U.S, which would be one year ago. And I know who it would have
been with (Edwin) so that brings me to exactly one year prior.
This is what makes me a power bottom. I like to just lay their and receive the masculine energy,
and they like to give it. That’s the essence of the masculine and feminine union. There are
many ways to bond. This is one of them that I like. I don’t like to be on top unless they do the
work thrusting up into me from the bottom.  I’m lazy. I could never sustain giving it to someone
like I like to get it. The way I want it takes far too much energy. This what the male body is
made FOR! I’ve had some alright sex and I’ve definitely had orgasms in Japan.
But, the kind of sex i was having that night has actually been extremely hard to find, and
coupled with the amount of tragic experiences that I’ve had of dudes missing
the hole completely and stabbing me elsewhere with their penis and/or being total jerks is,
I suppose what makes this experience of someone who has sooo much sexual energy so
much more enjoyable.  

Just Like when Eddie Murphy in his Delirious stand-up talked about giving a starving man a
Ritz cracker I was in just as much shock as bliss.
The night that turned into this
sex started with a mutual presumption that it would happen eventually.
I invited him to sleep at my house before we went on our second date because,
If anything having someone sleep in my bed with me sex aside is just as much a
pleasurable rarity.  In fact, one of my last one night stands was honestly for the
connection and what we call in Japanese “skinship” than for the sex being anything
memorable. For a few hours after we went on an awesome date
to this art exhibition he was helping me with some tech and computer stuff. It felt like he
had been my boyfriend for months and we were coming home together as we usually did from
seeing cool Tokyo art and eating dinner, like we normally did or something.

I've gotten used to living without good sex and the kind of connections I desire. It's been a
trade-off
to learn and discover a new sex language which has been mostly not so good to me
but has not gone without some exciting and new peaks. It's very difficult as a foreign woman
to get what you want the way you might have been used to where you are from.  You just
have to get used to the fact that you aren't in Kansas anymore Dorothy and open up to continue
to learn how they do it in the new place you moved to

Japan is a very sex modest country, pixelized genitals and barely any midriffs can ever be
seen even from young people in the summer in Japan.  This is what makes the sex
culture full of repressed kinkiness that frequently delves into disturbing realms.
If you are somewhere in the middle of desiring to have a live octopus be part of your sexual
escapades and getting asked out for a drink by a man on the street, Japan can be a difficult place.
 Nevertheless, I've been committed in my exploration of this world, if for nothing but to write
about afterwards. This guy was white American, a long term foreign resident who was
polysexual and really into group sex. (like my ex). It was 3am when we finally went up the
ladder to my loft to sleep and I was really content to just pass out, because as I said,
sexual history in Japan has made me kind of whatever about whether I make the effort or
not over sleep.  But it didn't end up in as an all night cuddle party.

He asked if he could, I said Sure go ahead and after a little foreplay we were soon
making slap slap slapping noises until the sun rose to my great surprise! I remember when
the sound started, it was like seeing an old friend whom I hadn't seen in awhile.
That feeling of being reminded of what your original desires were before you repressed
them was what made the sex so good. It made me realize that I could get what I wanted
and needed in Japan after all!  This is a person who I met on okcupid without a clear face photo!
That almost never goes well. I asked for his photo by email and he ended up having pretty hot
photos that I was actually excited about, and well the rest is history.

You can take the GIRL out of the SEX WORK, but you can't take the SEX WORK out of the girl.

Flew off on an adventure to Sydney to work, with the hope I could work as a Tantrika, but now I'm standing around with sex workers chatting about whoring and Japan.  I worked last night at a legal massage parlor in Sydney, my first experience doing this here.  I had lived here in 1997 when I was a foreign exchange University art student.  The first sex worker I ever met probably was my roommate who also did massage and lots of drugs.  She was interesting.  So I flew here on a RT ticket for $600 through Fiji because I hadn't had much success trying to do this work in Japan. Japan had me convinced that I wasn't attractive to men and I was on a mission to find out if that was indeed true.  It wasn't, I found that out in Fiji when about ten men gravitated around me asking to dance or make out or lay down and lick me.  It was quite an interesting layover.  I didn't lay with any of them.  I didn't get a hotel room.  I thought I'd just party all night without sex.  I also was low on money because I'd invested all my money to come to Sydney to try to do Tantra Escorting work.  I haven't identified as an escort or a prostitute or sex worker for about 6 years, even though I did some phone sex occasionally and Tantra is classified as sex work by law in America, the way that I approached my clients and the work and the money had evolved I thought.  But in the last week, frustrated that I didn't have a computer to do my art work.  I saw this last minute airfare and everything inside me told me HELL YES.  So I went.  I cancelled my classes for the week because I KNEW I COULD MAKE MONEY.  It is a bred in sex worker mentality that comes from working for over seventeen years. 

 When I read that woman's post, something primal inside of me rose up and cried out, this need to fix the present.  Make it work, make. that. money.  


But things have been harder than expected.  I risked everything on this trip.  I put everything on a credit card.  I invested money that I don' t have hoping to come back with double at least.  Enough to buy a new used laptop to do much desired art and music projects.  I put up an ad ad got a nice hotel room.  No one called.  I called two different massage places and both told me NOPE.  YOU'RE NOT SUITABLE.  Finally a 3rd that I called had a woman who would give me a chance.  I was so happy because I had become desperate by this time and my self esteem was in the pitts because I had left Japan to try to see if I could still do this work outside of Asia, well, ideally I didn't want to be doing massage and fucking but by this time, I was ready to go full on into whatever for money because I was now in survival mode.  "Sure, come on in at 7pm she said."  I was SO relieved.  When I walked in to the place at 7pm, she was super nice and mellow friendly and just matter of fact about giving me my own room to work out of all night.  "Here's the pay structure, the washing machine, how the phone works and your room.  It has a little balcony.  Do you smoke?"  Wow.  Back in the game, just like that.  Phew, she didn't even care about my tourist visa.  Or verifying my age.  I'm even using the name Jenna because Tayu (the highest Oiran Courtesan in Japanese culture) the new brand identity that I wanted to choose was "too hard" to both madams that I ran it by.  Their eyebrows crinkled, even though this woman was Indian.  How about Kaya?  Kaya means body in Hindu culture.  Okay, let's use Jenna.  it's the easiest.  And voila.  I became Jenna Bie for the first time in about five years.  Most of the time I spent in my room sleeping with the radio on which is not full REM sleep, but since the shift is until 4am, and I had jogged around town all day I was tired.  I got a bunch of condoms from the cabinet and I was ready to do whatever was neccesary to break even on this trip at least.  Plus, I didn't even have money to really eat much for 3 days without any income.  But, Jenna for sure has been here before and she, if anyone knew how to get out of famine into the feast zone.  I busted last night with no clients, and I'm totally in the red zone, but it ain't over yet.  I got 3 more days.