Aloha new Life!

I arrived in Honolulu almost exactly one month ago!  Happy first month of my

new life! When I got here the phones were ringing constantly! It was like

the old days of Backpage again!  Woohoo! Always exhilarating when

SEX WORK WORKS!

I had brought with me the cash from two big clients in Tokyo which made perfectly timed monetary blessings to get me from old

home Tokyo to current home Honolulu.  This current home and I have a deep

history. I came here right out of high school and went to the University of

Hawaii for one semester, just for fun. Learning was as it is now, also a hobby

. I was just a baby then, I smoked weed for the very first time because, I was

officially “in college” and “I wanted to save my brain cells for college and not

smoke weed until then.” Ha ha, i totally remember my rationale verbatim.

 Cheers to that young Jenna, I say to my youngling self as I exhale cannabis

smoke into the laptop screen. 25 years later. Feeling really really good about

all the years that I have experienced since that 17 year old first smoked her

first bong hit. I actually put my lips around the entire outside of the bong, not on

the inside. Total college movie scene. I almost got into a fight with some random

girl at some party. I rode a moped around a quarter of the island, to go

bodyboarding.  I’ve been re-uniting in such a lively ECOSEXUAL way with Hawaii’s

ocean, the mountains also. It’s like the constant love you make when you come to

the same city as your long distance lover. Insatiable and every minute hot sex,

sexting and flirting. For one week. The Banyan trees across the street and down

a block at the beautiful park near my house. Hawaii is natural and undeniable

beauty. I stayed with a friend from SWOP Hawaii for a couple weeks while I was

still looking at apartments.  This guy’s house where I was staying had a window

that opened into a 100 meter distance from the blue sea which could even show the

constant crashing white waves against the blue in plain sight while you ate your

breakfast. I was having ecosexual orgasms for real. All I would have to do is just

have a deep eye gaze with the waves in the distance and the deep perfect blue

staring back at me (or at least I felt as if it was of course). My life is so different

here. Of course, I love it. I haven’t had a client or a solid inquiry in over three

weeks though so, luckily when you pour all your savings into getting housed, you,

at least have housing!  And I love my housing. I have the best panoramic view of

the major landmarks of Honolulu, the spine of Diamond head, the blue ocean I

can see a smidgeon of,(not as much as my friend’s place), and I can see green

foggy Makiki mountains. Comes with parking and I am right next to the freeway entrance once Iget license and a car, I”ll be set up to go. I actually need to get a driver’s permit

and start the process of getting licensed from zero because I let my California

license expire. I lost the card somewhere in Japan. The good news is that the' state of Hawaii and Japan have an agreement to automatically convert state of Hawaii

licenses without retaking the test, which is a great advantage for when I return

to Japan.  I’m attempting to keep doing business in both countries. All I keep

thinking is that I am glad that I spent 3 years in Japan. Because I can really

appreciate how relaxed and free my life in Hawaii is going to be. I was ready to

move to Hawaii, it was also part of the grand scheme of my life. I promised Hawaii

I would always return, after doing some living of life. And I actually did EXACTLY

that.

Cardi and Bill C?

People are so quick to crucify...and slay people with

inaccurate accusations that can be so damn hurtful.  Bill Cosby was a serial rapist,
a billionaire by then from his #1 show The Cosby Show.  If the 80s
weren’t the time
of certain Black entertainer dominance in the shadow of corruption then the
power Cardi B felt in her millenial
rockstar/new stripper energy period (NSE!)
was definitely no different.  
These are men and women 19-27 super
hot, just woke up like that and for the first time WAKING UP to the sexual power that
goes with that body and that period of your life.  Cardi B is still mad young to me but
when she was robbing and sexually assaulting dudes she was even younger than her
current age, with even less positive guidance
about how to act. Comparing Cardi B to Bill Cosby is
hurtful because it equates the imbalance of power felt by men and women of color

as equal.  I watched real Cardi B videos where she calls herself “stripper hoe”
and “prostitute” so her sex work is on the table even if she recently is trying to
say that she isn’t a sex worker, doesn’t have herpes, and one other alleged/false
accusation. I’m not sure what her STD status is, I do know she was/is a sex worker.  
When she talked about robbing and raping guys on her selfie videos, I can tell you from
experience about the at risk “outcall bitch life” cuz I lived it for 6 or more long years in LA.

Cardi B is a whore revolutionary making money and dreams come

true by any.means.necessary.

I use to live by this mantra as well...until I uncovered the anger, pain

and hurt underneath my tough bitch facade and started to work from

that place instead.  My life changed. My clients changed.  

My entire purpose changed.  

Like me, Cardi B has changed since she made her various videos.  

She says she wasn’t proud of what she had done, but at the same

time she says that the men were “willing and conscious” when she

was drugging them and that is just not true.    Whore revolutionary

is Kali and needs to listen to reason from NO MAN.  I get her. I was her.

But even on the streets there is a line.  People who get the reputation of

“crazy” and people who prefer to keep to certain principles.  Thou shalt

not kill, thou shalt not rape.  Unless, your life is being threatened.  And

this last line can be interpreted in various ways depending on where

you are in the trauma recovery scale.  Sex Work teaches you to create

harder lines around what you will and won’t do, and calculate the risk

fee and add it to the take home.  It is unclear to me if she was just drugging

and assaulting random men she met at the stripclub,

or ALSO her ex boyfriends that cheated on her. The video

that I've seen, talks about guys from the club.

 If it was her clients then the game she was playing was making

the streets that much more dangerous for the women who worked around her. For some

reason, at the time, Cardi didn't

feel like she could make cash by just being Cardi B

and had to go the extra mile and drug and rob the dude.

Women who did this usually were just so adamant about

NOT FUCKING clients that they would go to elaborate

lengths like this to NOT have sex so they could NOT be

mistaken for prostitutes. There is a strong belief

for a lot of strippers that stripping is something

better than full insertion sex work. I know I believed

this when I was a stripper in a club.

There was enough social media backlash to make her

think about this action and change it if she wishes to really

grow as an artist and person.

Being straight forward helps contribute to

enjoying your work (because work is safer and happier).

Having a threesome with a transgender sex worker sounds like an elaborate

thing to do to a client, and sounds more like an ex boyfriend hustle than

anything, and yes, I call it sexual assault. If these men were her clients, there
is no excuse to actually offend first, from whatever position you are in society.
 It’s not necessary for my goal achievment.

But people's goals are different.
Was she trying to be "gangsta"
or was she fundraising for her studio time? This level of violence
falls in the gangster category, as gangsta bitches are more crazy
than strippers and hoes. And stripper hoes. Gangstas have
a different set of rules. Prison yard rules for the prison
yard bound. Prison yard rules for the IDGAFs.
To stay alive you have to start giving a fuck.
You even start to care about people around you.
Having each other's back's is revolutionary.
Staying alive is whore revolutionary.
By any means neccesary was defensive
not offensive.

I did work where

at the last minute the strippers we were with had to inform the guy that the $250

that they just paid was just to cover us showing up and not actually staying.   

Sometimes, drivers would collect $800 from a group of guys and inform them

of the same thing.  Then we’d be running from this angry mob of bros trying to

get their money back.  It was pretty awful but regularly occurring because we

were the ones lying and scamming not them.  Premeditated drugging definitely is in the

land of Cosby, but their circumstances are so different.

Cosby wasn't in fear of his life when he was drugging his victims.

Cosby was at the top of his career and life.

Cardi was clawing her way out of the gutter

using ghetto survival tactics.

The odds weren't stacked against Cosby in a ride or die

economy. Bill Cosby's victims probably didn't have guns or

pit bulls or both.

They're as different as Jello and asshole, the ignorance is astounding.
But Cardi doesn't get a pass from me, and I believe that the
whore revolution doesn't involved cutthroat gangster actions
against the very men that feed us. But, it requires empathy
for those of us who have walked
the not always so glamorous path of self
determination.

Do I like to watch?

I've been feeling out in the last 6 months on a new unexpected genre of interest: Reality police and immigration authority docudrama. This is mostly via binging for free on YouTube but I've watched plenty on Netflix about real life diabolic serial murderers and cold blooded killers. It is fascinating to see what footage has been collected over the years and how much technology has changed. I've watched entire police confession footage of family killers like Chris Watts who goes from total denial to partial confession in about 2 days of arduous grilling and interrogations from police. We get to hear the actual questions and how Watts changes up his story gradually as more incriminating evidence is revealed through analysis of his phone, which he willing gave to the police to analyze thinking he would get away with the murders of his wife and 2 young daughters. I've watched the Ted Bundy tapes which should have frightened me to insomnia but instead kept me glued to each episode and all it's gory details of how psychotic but charming this man was. Both Bundy and Watts are handsome, fit looking men. Ted Bundy was highly intelligent and had a degree in law which was why he insisted on representing himself in court several times. Right now, serial black girl abuser R Kelly is under fire for trafficking (real human trafficking!) Of his several under 25 yo girlfriends whom he kept virtually captive under his control for years.  What the 3 of these men have in common is that they had devoted female fans who could see no evil in them and wanted to be the savior of these evil fuckers. Recently, R Kelly who is supposedly broke has been bailed out twice and anonymous women have bailed him out each time. It is speculated that his sex abuse ring is complex and sophisticated, enlisting several people under his command and willing to help him traffick his captors around to rooms at hotel rooms around cities he would be on tour in. Marriot and Homewood suites are in trouble because they didn't check the ID of his underage entourage because they were too busy trying to scrutinize independently working escorts off of Backpage because they ordered too many towels for their consensual clients. R. Kelly is being indicted under the White Slavery Act which was designed to protect white girls from being abducted by men of color into prostitution. But as we see, prostitution is actually not the enemy here as mega celebrity abuse of power is, just in the same way that Harvey Weinstein did his deeds for years as well as how Michael Jackson was able to seduce his captors and pay them off to keep quiet, so that when when they accepted the money turn around and blame them for being money hungry. The defendants of Michael Jackson point to the fact that many underage boys who were alone with him were not abused, very visible and vocal defendants like Mcaully Culkin and Corey Haim. But Jackson, like Ted Bundy selected his victims carefully and kept certain people who fit the target description of those that were killed or abused safe and shiny for the audience. Ted Bundy loved to be on camera in blatant denial to the very end  of his life about the multiple murders of young women, some whom he bludgeoned with a brick, chewed their bodies and had sex with while they were no longer alive. Because I've watched so much of this kind of official footage in recent high profile criminal proceedings, I have grown accustomed to what I know is somehow available to the public. With the Chris Watts murders, we were able to see all the confession footage, several text messages and loads of videos that his dead wife Shannon Watts shot on FB to promote her MLM products. YouTubers have uploaded FB live videos and love letters written to Chris Watts in jail after his conviction. One of Ted Bundy's early girlfriends had an early reserved seats on his no kill list and for that she loved him dearly no matter what he did. When he was on trial for murdering an entire sorority house of women she was in the front row with a smile and puppy love eyes. They eventually married and started a family through conjugal visits in prison. So when the recent Robert Kraft, Patriots owner is arrested and supposedly caught up in an Asian trafficking ring in Florida and the police have the gruesome details and footage and I don't see any of it anywhere online I know it's conflated consensual sex work not trafficking. The massage facility had deplorable conditions? Show me the footage. I LIKE TO WATCH.

No Bra Night

I’ve been exploring kink a lot with a Tantra client that i am guiding on an exploration venture.

My last client that has been working me for some time exploring Tantra hired me.

I have been guiding him through the basics of Tantra in the last month: ecstatic dance,

meditation, kirtan chanting, energy clearing/chakra work and this month he ended up,

under my guidance going to a kink party dressed like a kinky octopus.  I got suspended

and spanked shibari style in a kinky party in Shibuya, met the owner and became easily

friendly with him, another California Transplanted Gaijin fluent in Japanese. That night

was easy and fun, I got into my element quite quickly, put on my stripper shoes and started flirting with people there, taking shots and getting smacks from various people in the room.  I’m

not normally a submissive, but I can do it sometimes for special situations or people.

Shibari modeling is always being a reciever/bottom obviously and the surprise and energy

of being suspended and controlled in ways that you can’t predict is exhilarating. That night

it was mostly men. Last weekend, I was tipped off on a big bi/lesbian club night happening

also in Shibuya.  400 women only event open til 5am. It was the first mega dyke event I’d

been to in Tokyo. I’d been to gay men events plenty but not a women’s event. I don’t have

the highest of confidence with queer women’s scene s, even in the U.S, it is simply harder

for me to approach or click with women right away. Men, on the other hand are so much

easier for me. The discount of the nite was show you have “no bra” and you get in for 2500

yen ($25).  Well, that was perfect for me, because i never wear a bra! I bought a lingerie

dress that day but I didn’t know that without a bra, the straps were going to fall down and my

tits were going to just fall out while I was dancing. Way too much flesh for Japan! Women

here don’t even show their shoulders in the summer. They wear t-shirts under their spaghetti

strap dresses, so if you can imagine not wearing a bra...whoah. It felt similar to the time

when I was in Malaysia for a week and none of the women in the swimming pool were

swimming with tshirts and shorts and all the foreigners were in bikinis.  Since moving to

Japan, being the sore thumb that sticks out is a way harder of a feeling to endure

because its more obvious in this society, just like it would be in Malaysia or even worse

in a more strict country where you would be stoned or abused for violating social norms.

In Japan, the social norms of being an  individual are mostly relegated to being ignored

or having an empty seat next to you on the train.  Sticking out is for the very very brave,

weird or always confident. No one can be 100 percent confident all the time, unless they

are sociopathic.  Our nervous system checks and balances us when we are doing

something that puts us in danger. Of course, if none of the men in Japan usually

approach me in public spaces, then masculine women are also not going to be able to do

that. The fact that I don’t wear a bra and haven’t since i grew boobs is a problem for a lot of

societies, including American ones.  I’ve spied a man from a 2nd floor window pressing his

eyeballs against the glass because he could see my nipples through my t-shirt. Since this

isn’t the kind of attention I want, I usually wear enough layers under my clothes (not a bra!) to

make sure my nipples aren’t visible. For me, its strictly about comfort and not about sex. At

this club this night, the effect was nothing big.  I was in a roomful of women in a very passive

and shy culture. But even that night, I was shy. I felt incredibly vulnerable and just unable to

xude confidence in this unknown space. What I previously understood as sexy and or even

normal was just not that, even in Tokyo so it’s changed me, to say the least. I didn’t feel sexy

that’s for sure. But I knew i was and it was okay. So i danced confidently.  And it was an okay

event. No one there worth writing here about though. And bathroom line of 90 minutes! Nanda!

Wouldn’t go again alone.

Tied UP and Fucked and…?

I took a shibari class recently and I had a hard time learning the simple knots from the teacher that I was paired up with that day.  So I decided that I would probably stick to being tied up instead. I hadn’t been suspended in a really long time, and since watching all the BDSM porn on kink.com with all the girls being tied and fucked real good, of course it was on my mind.  So I went to a Soiree for one of the biggest kink fetish parties in Tokyo and had reached out to the organizer to see if I could dance on the pole there. He said to come to meet him at the soiree and dance on the pole for him. His profile photo was of him suspending someone, so I asked if he did suspensions and if he could do that to me.  He was happy to oblige. I showed up at the venue and changed into my 6” heels and stripper dress. There was a roomful of about 30 folks in a small bar in Ebisu and a pole in the center. Music was playing the club but it was set at a soft volume so that people could have conversations. I told one of my good friends in Tokyo to meet me there, he was a nice service sub friend, he helped me move and had a nice service submissive side to him that I really really liked but we were just friends most of the time.  I realized that every time we went out he always bought me drinks, which is, believe me a rare thing in Tokyo when a guy buys you drinks. I needed a few shots to get my guts up to get on the pole because, it's been some time for me since I’ve been publicly exotic and erotic. I think the last time I was on a pole was perhaps New Years Eve 2016. That was a fun night. The reason I’m willing to be freaky spontaneously and provide gratuitous entertainment to the people of Japan instead of working for tips like I do in America, is because Japan is such a sexually repressed society that I need an outlet to let out my goddess energy and I’m almost willing to pay for it in a way by dancing for free.  I got to crawl around and flirt with people, Japanese and foreigner and most of the people were really friendly, sexy and nice. My friend was practically running to catch my shoes if I fell out of them and that was strangely turning me on. It came time for the master to suspend me and with a few drinks inside my body, I was ready. Suspension is always exhilarating, slightly painful and energetically orgasmic. You slip into sub space where the apex of your orgasm is when you are finally lifted off of the grown. You don’t know how you are going to be tied or at what exact moment you will be lifted, but when you finally do, it’s nothing short of amazing. And then almost as soon as you were lifted up, master starts the process of taking you down.  You are never up there for too long, for safety reasons. I was being spanked all night long by various party go-ers. I’m not super submissive, but that night I was sort of playing into that role, it was fun. As master was tying me he would touch my nipples or graze his wrist through my thigh or past my clitoris and create more excitement. Although I had seen lots of suspension and hog tied porno clips on the kink site, the thing you need to know about suspension is that you actually don’t need to have physical sex to make it energetically orgasmic. The rope is sexual enough and the final suspension, as I explained is enough of a great and different feeling from physical sex that fucking seems like it would change it. I had a wonderful time at this party.  I bonded with the master and agreed to meet him sometime during the week. He was also from California and only in Japan for two weeks, but came through often to promote his parties. We got on really well. The next night I was instructed to meet him at 10:30 with sexy panties under my over clothes for our date. It was freezing cold snowy this weekend in Tokyo but I was prepared to submit to him because he had demonstrated his expertise in topping me already. We went for a drink at a bar near his airbnb. He ordered a bottle of red Dark Horse and we got wonderfully buzzed and headed upstairs to his apartment. He blindfolded as soon as I walked in the door and he even had to lead me to the bathroom to pee. Everything that happened next went really fast. It was totally consensual, nothing bad happened, except that I was not yet horny enough to want his dick before he started fucking me.  He hog tied me and put a vibrator on top of my clit and proceeded to attempt to orgasm torture me, except…i’m not really a clitoral orgasm girl like most ladies. Because I was subbing for him, i wasn’t giving instruction or much feedback during, but merely tying a vibe to my pussy wasn’t cutting it. I need fingers inside me for everything to work. Oral and everything included without G spot stimulation is just a not effective. My pussy wasn’t even wet and he couldn’t really gage this. Or maybe he could tell. He had to put lube inside me to enter and he was fucking me and soon it all ended. I remember thinking in a drunken stupor, gee should I just go to sleep or leave now? I guess we're done but, i'm too drunk to have the energy to get up and get out. Again, I wasn't feeling hurt or violated, just kinda like I just fucked a client and I didn't want to stick around. He crawled up to the bed to sleep and I fell asleep on the futon on the floor. Disappointment was swirling in my brain as I went to sleep. It’s good that he was in a separate bed because if sex is disappointing the last thing I usually want to do is cuddle. I usually want to leave and never look back.  

Just a Simple Knot

I took a rope tying class with a sub the other day.  4 hours of twisting jute rope under the direction of a French dominant that, in my opinion was not a good teacher.  I suppose he was trying to be a dominant, or perhaps he wasn’t even trying, he just was being himself. I was trying to tie the basic honmusubi knot, which is the basis of all the other knots that create things like suspending helpless naked women from the ceiling.  Rope tying, perhaps, isn’t my forte I was thinking. I remember trying to rock climb once, and I just lost interest because I couldn’t get the hang of it after a few hours, surfing went a similar way.  I think learning curves can’t just go straight down before the student gives up. There has to be a little upwards momentum. My sub seemed to quite content to be tied up in the same way again and again.  He was happy watching the intermediate classes do suspensions, which I can imagine was quite a see. The female models were quite flexible and skilled at bottoming for their tops. I’ve participated once before as a bottom/model for another class, and I actually also had a good time just observing.  When you are a model in these classes you get to attend the class for free. I met one of the better friends that I have here in Tokyo as a result of modeling for that class. The master artist Hajime Kinoko was in that class, so meeting him was quite the highlight. Not to be overly starstruck but, I definitely admire his artwork more than just in a sexual way.  Even having him molest me while i was tied up was a weird part of the thrill. That class was only 3 hours long and I found that it was much more satisfying than this last one, and i wasn’t even doing the rope typing. The teacher I just had was trying to teach me by shaming me, and that actually never really works. I teach every day in Japan, so I feel like I have a right to critique when someone is not effectively teaching a beginner something that allows them to at least have some upward momentum up a steep learning curve.  French instructor comes back and looks at my work,”This is not what I just taught you. This is something else. Why would try to do exactly what you just do knowing that it didn’t work before? Expecting different results?” The basic part of the knot was the part that I just couldn’t get. If you twisted it just slightly a different way, the knot would turn into the “wrong knot” and the whole thing was wrong. I would try to do my best to copy what he just did, but my short term technical memory is quite bad, which is part of the reason why following seemingly simple directions, such as directions from a train station can be quite challenging for me.  It started to make me feel really bad about myself. I was getting jealous of this non Japanese man’s fluent Japanese, but not too much so. I was glad that I had the option to take the class in English because if I also had to learn how to tie ropes and translate in Japanese, my brain would probably explode in more frustration than i could handle for they day. Luckily I had my sub, who was funding this whole adventure in frustration, and he was hungry and willing to feed his goddess. We walked around the area to different restaurant windows and then I instructed him how to pull out my chair, take my jacket and feed and inebriate me. So that my frustration could settle into satisfaction.  

Lookin' like Money Bag, Money Bag, Money Bag$$$

Happy Year of the Boar everyone!  I started my year off right with a New Years Eve with a lovely dinner with friends, ringing a bell at a temple and going off to a club where a cute Japanese guy's pick up line to me was "Do you like marijuana?" LOL Considering that Japanese guys rarely hit on me here in Japan, and the fact that I LOVE weed, it was kind of like a no brainer that I'd end up with him for the rest of 2018.  My secret goal every New Year's Eve (if I'm single, which, I usually am) is to find a new body to start the year off with laying next to.  To me, if that happens, even if its just cuddling, I'm super stoked about the New Year and how it went.  In 2016 and 2017, I went home alone even though in 2016, I was lookin super cute and in 2017 I was even a stripper on a pole with men and women totally into me all night but one can never predict how things will end in a country where for some reason or other my goddess charm doesn't work as well as it does in North America.  I remember one night in Seattle when I was alone, I could take my pick from potential mates for the night as there were lots of them to choose from and I felt that the ball was in my court.  This year's guy hit on me to go home almost as soon as I walked in the door so I had to tell him, "I just got here so, find me in an hour, and I'll probabl go with you."  Sometimes in Japan, it's really easy, but most of the time 85% of the time I am ignored and it is really hard.  I'm really really grateful it was an easy night and I was able to end my 2018 with cocaine, cuddling, a good film, orgasm and some weed.  I hadn't had sex in a long time because most of the guys that I was trying to connect with on the online dating apps were disrespecful morons with their pick up lines equating to "You wanna fuck?" after a few exchanges just trying to establish trust and personality.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when a dude asks something explicit before I've even met them.  Just like a dick pic, even if I want to actually have sex with someone, its just bad form, rude and not well received by the majority of females in the world, even prostitutes.  When I was an escort, because prostitution laws forbid direct explicit communication about sex acts I could just cut men off who were explicit with their language. Take notes: if you can't be a gentleman in your approach you're not getting near me naked.  For money or for free.
I been listening to a lot of Cardi B lately.  She's my new favorite get pumped on female sex goddess energy.  She's a 25 year old stripper hoe rapper, the new Lil Kim talking about money, stripping, fighting and working in sex work from nothing to something.  I can definitely relate to that.  Of course, she makes stripping seem all glamorous and fun when in reality, those of us who have stripped know very well it's not all money bag, money bag, money bags every night.  Some nights it's nothing but cigarette smoke and empty ass chairs.  Staring at the ceiling full of cob webs.  Dancing to no one out there.  The 20s are a good time in retrospect.  You have the best body you'll ever have and the feeling of being a new sex worker is such an unbeatable high that you will never have again, I know where she is in her life and I'm able to reminsce without jealousy cuz I know how hard knock the life is that comes with that money, sex, and supposed power.  I remember feeling the pressure of wanting to get out stripping most of the time that I was even in it.  And what did I do after that?  I became an escort for 6 years.


Truth be told, I didn't have anyone make it rain on me BIG MONEY until I became an escort.  I made double as an agency escort that I did as a stripper.  I made $10,000 one time from a dude who paid me $1000 for every line of cocaine that I could snort with him.  At the time, I didn't do coke with clients.  Or at all really.  And that was sort of the beginning of the 6 year run of more sex, money, drugs and danger for me in Los Angeles.  I never got addicted to anything, but I did have a continuous bought with trauma and danger that I am really glad that I got out with so little long term damage or death.  Escorting was much much more volatile and profitable than my 3 years in the San Francisco stripclub ever was.  But, SF started it all and that Cardi B feeling like money bag, money bag, money bags is possibly the best high a girl can ever have.  I was 22 when I became a sex worker through stripping and I was untouchable for a while.  An adrogynous baby punk who never identified as sexy in the same way after the first $160 I made my first night stripping led to a 20 year career doing various things in the industry.  Fast forward to 2018.  This was the year that I was tired of working my 5 day a week job in Tokyo and I couldn't get an in into the sex industry here, so I just decided to go to a different country and try my luck where to be blunt, there were more white guys that would think I was the most exotic thing and hopefully profit off that like I did when I was in the U.S I remember listening to Cardi B before deciding to charge the whole trip on my credit card, including the hotel that I would work at and the ad that I placed.  This was my usual formula for touring and profiting and it was usually at least a break even deal.  My first few days in Sydney had no clients, and the days to come were going to be scraping by in scarcity, living off of my credit card and the "generosity" of dudes that I met off of the ok cupid dating site.  One guy invited me to stay at his house by the beach, and just didn't really know how to communicate well enough to get me in bed with him.  He always had different women at his house, or his 7 year old son so it was really strange that I'm sure he expected us to fuck but he didn't really have a clear space to do this or to get me to even feel like "paying him back."  He ended up dumping my luggage at the bottom of the stairs on the 3rd day and I had to ask a guy at the busstop to pay my way to the station because money was really that bad that I did not have A SINGLE DOLLAR in cash to even pay for the bus ride.  This ordeal was a reminder or my old traumatic life of risk and hustle.  This is what people don't know about fast money in, there's a shit ton of risk to get it and it often goes out as fast as it goes in.  Dude invited me to his nice beach house and kicked me out in the worst way just as fast.  I ended up getting hosted by some friends on FB who I'd met in Tokyo months earlier that I didn't think were really going to be so nice, but from there it was just all healing and soothing.  I was so grateful.  My new couch hostess gave me enough weed to smoke for the week that I could heal my wounds from being dumped on the street and not making the money I thought I might make re-entering the sex industry.  I had landed a few shifts in a massage parlor, which was really a brothel, but I didn't get a single fucking client.  Just a few guys who I did introductions with but no one picked me, which is basically what I remember about brothel life, watching lots of TV and waiting to be picked.  I think in retrospect it was good that I survived everything without really getting hurt or losing too much money although I am still paying that credit card bill now.  Here's me on the cover of a SF magazine lookin like money bags in my 20s.   20 years later, I can reflect on an entire career in this industry, working with men, men, men for so long it truly surprised me that I moved to Japan and had the results that I did with my attractiveness.  I can say it's because you can't stay hot forever, and I guess it's true, certainly you can't stay hot in the same way you were in your 20s, but I'm happy at 42.5 to have survived so much to tell you about.