Survivor in the East, Survivor in the West

I’m always toying with the idea of re-entering the world of escorting, mainly because in Japan my income is so little as a teacher and if I only had a few more sex work dollars then I could just fix this terrible financial situation that I’ve found myself in since Backpage closed.  There are other outlets apparently, but I’ve tried to post some ads on them and they have gotten me only a few hits here and there. My mom and sister were in town this week and every time I find myself frankly speaking my mind about Japan, which is something that Japanese never do, my sister seems to reply “Well then, why are you still here?” This reaction seems oversimplified to me, its the equivalent of when Americans say,”Well then go back to your country” as if feeling fulfilled can be achieved by just up and leaving every time something is unsatisfactory in your environment, like switching seats in a train.  It’s an important skill to be able to ignore these pieces of oversimplified advice. Toss them out like pieces of shit on your lawn because people will always react like this, no matter what side you are presenting from. To date, I tried to apply at two strip clubs, one dating agency and one hostess club in Japan and got rejected by all of them. I got interviews from 2 of them, and did them in Japanese but still I never got the job. The potential entry back into sex work got even more real when I ended up in Sydney last month and had spent my last cash, so I ended up getting a few shifts at a massage/brothel incall in Kings Cross.  It wasn’t a bad set up, the people were nice, but I didn’t get any customers. I was supplied with a pile of condoms and I waited in my room all night long. An incredible amount of self love is required when we are in this situation. It’s really hard to face so much rejection and just keep keeping on. Men come to your door, greet you (Sydney) and then you don’t get a booking. You go through an entire interview and then you don’t hear from the people, and you are getting even lower than low on money. I am single usually so when I travel around I’m usually looking for dates on okcupid, not usually with the intention of hooking guys but with the intention of really dating for fun and not work.  I am kind of a rare sex worker in that I do date and have sex for no money if I like someone. I did get an invitation from some guy who had an apartment at the beach with a spare room to come stay with him. I felt game to try to see if i’d be in good luck with him, which good luck while traveling has also a lot to do with safety from violence. He picks me up and my giant backpack from the train station on the back of his moped. He holds my hand right from the get go just like they do in Japan. I think that shit is weird when Japanese people do it, but even weirder when non Japanese do it. He kisses me on my lips and I’m totally not ready to receive it but I don’t turn away. Weird. Everything you’re doing is weird, I think.  We go back to his place and his 7 year old son is there playing video games with a full head set on. He barely acknowledges us as we walk in. I’m sure this dude brings home random women home all the time so the kid just resorts to tuning out completely to deal with his dad’s antics. It’s kind of weird for me too but I’m a beggar not a chooser in this situation. The room I get ot use is an amazing room at Bondi beach, a window that has a view of the sea in the corner and a large bed all to myself. I don’t even have to share a room with this guy which is great. This was way better than the backpacker hostel I had booked for the night so I just wasted that reservation in exchange for this deal. The dude has 2 nice bicycles and he lives right by the beach so he sets us up to go on a little bike ride down to beautiful Bondi beach, leaving his zombie son playing video games.  He ended up being an asswipe who kicked me out with my bags on the street because I wouldn’t fuck him but he was never alone with me ever and he actually did a bunch of really weird and odd things that made shit just impossible, not like I was even attracted to him anyway. He had a bunch of different Asian girls around him at all time, all from Asia, and...while I live in Japan and speak Japanese, I’m truly an American when it comes to my attitude and feminism so just pulling some flirty stunts thinking i’m going hop on the white dick is just not going to cut it. While it was hard to be literally kicked out like a 5 dollar hoe, i managed. There was a gorgeous young guy who actually bought me bus fare so i could get to the train station and then from there I was able to use my credit card to get to a friend from Facebook that offered me a couch to stay in for the rest of my time in Aus.  It helps that i’m also strong, smart and resilient.

The Sound of What You Used To Know So Well (1 of 2)

Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap.  This is the sound of the skin (or maybe collected air) of a
man banging his body against my ass when he is pounding his cock into me.  
You can tune into any redtube porn movie and hear it in almost any Girl-boy scene.
I am conditioned by American porn so its a sound that turns me on naturally.
It’s also a sound that I have NOT HEARD IN SO FUCKING LONG
living in Japan. Oh, wait, it’s not porn tube, it’s actually the sound coming
from my own futon!
Wow.  Someone’s banging me like that. 嬉しい。You see,
I haven’t had a decent cock pounding
in I swear, it seems like years. All the lovers that I have had in Japan were
either too small
(not all Japanese), had terrible aim, erection issues or various other things that my
understanding Tantra goddess self never really made a big deal about, until...

SLAP. SLAP. SLAP!  O. my. God. Fuck. Me. That. feels. Amazing.


Not simply because the penetration alone feels great, but it’s just something about
having your body feel FILLED UP. COMPLETELY. I think it has to do, obviously with the
size of the cock combined with the force of motion and injection of energy that the feminine
is receiving at such a rapid pace. (Sorry to breakdown what seems like the obvious)  
I think the dick also has to be thick enough to actually create this feeling of fullness
but more to do with the inertia and the energy that you are receiving from his hips thrusting
into you. Intercourse that works well is something
that many people take for granted. Life isn’t porn and so many of us masturbate to someone
else’s common work day reality but have never ever achieved this. I used to hear the
slap slap slap sound much more before I came to Japan. It's not racial it seems, it could be
regional or it could be my luck.  If I think about it, it has to be AT LEAST one year, (okay 10 months)
since the last time I visited the U.S, which would be one year ago. And I know who it would have
been with (Edwin) so that brings me to exactly one year prior.
This is what makes me a power bottom. I like to just lay their and receive the masculine energy,
and they like to give it. That’s the essence of the masculine and feminine union. There are
many ways to bond. This is one of them that I like. I don’t like to be on top unless they do the
work thrusting up into me from the bottom.  I’m lazy. I could never sustain giving it to someone
like I like to get it. The way I want it takes far too much energy. This what the male body is
made FOR! I’ve had some alright sex and I’ve definitely had orgasms in Japan.
But, the kind of sex i was having that night has actually been extremely hard to find, and
coupled with the amount of tragic experiences that I’ve had of dudes missing
the hole completely and stabbing me elsewhere with their penis and/or being total jerks is,
I suppose what makes this experience of someone who has sooo much sexual energy so
much more enjoyable.  

Just Like when Eddie Murphy in his Delirious stand-up talked about giving a starving man a
Ritz cracker I was in just as much shock as bliss.
The night that turned into this
sex started with a mutual presumption that it would happen eventually.
I invited him to sleep at my house before we went on our second date because,
If anything having someone sleep in my bed with me sex aside is just as much a
pleasurable rarity.  In fact, one of my last one night stands was honestly for the
connection and what we call in Japanese “skinship” than for the sex being anything
memorable. For a few hours after we went on an awesome date
to this art exhibition he was helping me with some tech and computer stuff. It felt like he
had been my boyfriend for months and we were coming home together as we usually did from
seeing cool Tokyo art and eating dinner, like we normally did or something.

I've gotten used to living without good sex and the kind of connections I desire. It's been a
trade-off
to learn and discover a new sex language which has been mostly not so good to me
but has not gone without some exciting and new peaks. It's very difficult as a foreign woman
to get what you want the way you might have been used to where you are from.  You just
have to get used to the fact that you aren't in Kansas anymore Dorothy and open up to continue
to learn how they do it in the new place you moved to

Japan is a very sex modest country, pixelized genitals and barely any midriffs can ever be
seen even from young people in the summer in Japan.  This is what makes the sex
culture full of repressed kinkiness that frequently delves into disturbing realms.
If you are somewhere in the middle of desiring to have a live octopus be part of your sexual
escapades and getting asked out for a drink by a man on the street, Japan can be a difficult place.
 Nevertheless, I've been committed in my exploration of this world, if for nothing but to write
about afterwards. This guy was white American, a long term foreign resident who was
polysexual and really into group sex. (like my ex). It was 3am when we finally went up the
ladder to my loft to sleep and I was really content to just pass out, because as I said,
sexual history in Japan has made me kind of whatever about whether I make the effort or
not over sleep.  But it didn't end up in as an all night cuddle party.

He asked if he could, I said Sure go ahead and after a little foreplay we were soon
making slap slap slapping noises until the sun rose to my great surprise! I remember when
the sound started, it was like seeing an old friend whom I hadn't seen in awhile.
That feeling of being reminded of what your original desires were before you repressed
them was what made the sex so good. It made me realize that I could get what I wanted
and needed in Japan after all!  This is a person who I met on okcupid without a clear face photo!
That almost never goes well. I asked for his photo by email and he ended up having pretty hot
photos that I was actually excited about, and well the rest is history.

You can take the GIRL out of the SEX WORK, but you can't take the SEX WORK out of the girl.

Flew off on an adventure to Sydney to work, with the hope I could work as a Tantrika, but now I'm standing around with sex workers chatting about whoring and Japan.  I worked last night at a legal massage parlor in Sydney, my first experience doing this here.  I had lived here in 1997 when I was a foreign exchange University art student.  The first sex worker I ever met probably was my roommate who also did massage and lots of drugs.  She was interesting.  So I flew here on a RT ticket for $600 through Fiji because I hadn't had much success trying to do this work in Japan. Japan had me convinced that I wasn't attractive to men and I was on a mission to find out if that was indeed true.  It wasn't, I found that out in Fiji when about ten men gravitated around me asking to dance or make out or lay down and lick me.  It was quite an interesting layover.  I didn't lay with any of them.  I didn't get a hotel room.  I thought I'd just party all night without sex.  I also was low on money because I'd invested all my money to come to Sydney to try to do Tantra Escorting work.  I haven't identified as an escort or a prostitute or sex worker for about 6 years, even though I did some phone sex occasionally and Tantra is classified as sex work by law in America, the way that I approached my clients and the work and the money had evolved I thought.  But in the last week, frustrated that I didn't have a computer to do my art work.  I saw this last minute airfare and everything inside me told me HELL YES.  So I went.  I cancelled my classes for the week because I KNEW I COULD MAKE MONEY.  It is a bred in sex worker mentality that comes from working for over seventeen years. 

 When I read that woman's post, something primal inside of me rose up and cried out, this need to fix the present.  Make it work, make. that. money.  


But things have been harder than expected.  I risked everything on this trip.  I put everything on a credit card.  I invested money that I don' t have hoping to come back with double at least.  Enough to buy a new used laptop to do much desired art and music projects.  I put up an ad ad got a nice hotel room.  No one called.  I called two different massage places and both told me NOPE.  YOU'RE NOT SUITABLE.  Finally a 3rd that I called had a woman who would give me a chance.  I was so happy because I had become desperate by this time and my self esteem was in the pitts because I had left Japan to try to see if I could still do this work outside of Asia, well, ideally I didn't want to be doing massage and fucking but by this time, I was ready to go full on into whatever for money because I was now in survival mode.  "Sure, come on in at 7pm she said."  I was SO relieved.  When I walked in to the place at 7pm, she was super nice and mellow friendly and just matter of fact about giving me my own room to work out of all night.  "Here's the pay structure, the washing machine, how the phone works and your room.  It has a little balcony.  Do you smoke?"  Wow.  Back in the game, just like that.  Phew, she didn't even care about my tourist visa.  Or verifying my age.  I'm even using the name Jenna because Tayu (the highest Oiran Courtesan in Japanese culture) the new brand identity that I wanted to choose was "too hard" to both madams that I ran it by.  Their eyebrows crinkled, even though this woman was Indian.  How about Kaya?  Kaya means body in Hindu culture.  Okay, let's use Jenna.  it's the easiest.  And voila.  I became Jenna Bie for the first time in about five years.  Most of the time I spent in my room sleeping with the radio on which is not full REM sleep, but since the shift is until 4am, and I had jogged around town all day I was tired.  I got a bunch of condoms from the cabinet and I was ready to do whatever was neccesary to break even on this trip at least.  Plus, I didn't even have money to really eat much for 3 days without any income.  But, Jenna for sure has been here before and she, if anyone knew how to get out of famine into the feast zone.  I busted last night with no clients, and I'm totally in the red zone, but it ain't over yet.  I got 3 more days. 

The Goddess Needs Her Groove Back

So she's off to Sydney for the week to work Japan.  I got a last minute wind of inspiration reading about someone else's success online in Sydney.  They worked 12 hours in a row and it worked heaps great, and she had to turn down clients because they did drugs!  Well, that's never really been a problem for me and I'd be more than happy to work 12 hours in a row doing sex or love work.  Its something like an inner craving that needs to be satisfied I think.   If you're diet for the last twenty years is men and money and you try to go for a long period of time without it, especially if that period without is less sustainable than it was in your old living, then the temptation to return back to the old you, is quite easy.  I just got tired of not having a solution and I wanted to make one.  This impulsive way of dealing with things is not always the best way and it is often the way that gets you in the most trouble so I've lived a life of calm for quite some years, not "giving in to weakness."  But when you live in a country where you can't be seen for some reason, it seems to get to the point where you need to leave town and see if you still "have it."  So I chose this $600 flight to Sydney, with a 12 hour stop over in Fiji.

What was Fiji like? It was cool. I'm sure I could spend days, weeks there for a better impression. I"m sure I could make MANY babies there. Be an English teacher or something. Ride a horse without my shirt while breastfeeding. I didn't book a hotel because I had a 5am flight out so I hung out in the sun on a rocky beach which wasn't as postcard blue as I'd wished it would be and wasn't swimmable either because of low tide. I didn't take a boat tour because I was trying to save money, but with the driver fees I didn't end up saving money at all. After sunset, I stayed up all night at the local bars and clubs and found out that I'm still attractive to men outside of Japan. They were simple islander boys. Some were fire dancers. All of them pretty handsome in various ways, the cordial part being the most important to me. It was 8 men to me. Fun. Drunk. Horny but cordial. Everyone I spent any amount of time with asked to have some form of sex with me or make out with me, including the Pentacostal Christian driver that told me that dancing and drinking was a sin in his religion. I gave him too much money to drive me around. The last cab driver wanted to drive me to the beach before the airport and lick me nicely and with my consent but I actually can't get down like that. If I was a dude maybe. Getting my dick sucked in a parked car with someone I've known for 8 minutes might be something I could do. None of them were shady, dangerous or pushy which was wonderful. Now I'm in Sydney and i'm doing my introverted thing. Alone in my room (because I actually have one tonight), online with a bottle of wine trying to figure out the week which I pray will be prosperous. at this point I am nervous.  I had one email inquiry from a client while I was in the airport, but I haven't gotten any more since then.  It's the middle of winter here, so its cold and I didn't seem to bring enough clothing.  I have just come from humid Japan so I guess I was trying to not bring a jacket.  That was probably a bad move.  I went out for dinner and it was cold.  It's always a culture shock to be in an English speaking dominant country again, because in Japan, I feel ashamed that I don't speak the dominant language there which is not English, so I try to blend in as much as possible and speak Japanese as much as I can, except when I am teaching.  

Another HOT Tokyo Weekend

I decided to go to the Brazil Day festival in Tokyo.  I had ulterior motives.  I wanted to mix amongst some Latino fire so I could hook up.  :)  I did hook up with someone.  But his friend pulled a switcheroo move on me, HE came up to me and chatted me up and then, he ditched me to hang out with his less attractive friend and never came back.  This is actually the 2nd time this has happened to me in Japan!  The other time the cute guy pulled in his really really awkward nerdy yuck friend into our threesome.  It is totally something that hot girls would do, not guys.  I'm just the sucker now a days I guess.  I look his friend up and down and decide to give him a try.  I wasn't up to anything else for the night anyway.  We stopped on a bridge and he got me pretty riled up licking my neck and ears so I decided it was going to be worth a shot. I tried to not think about the much better sex I could have had with the one that I originally wanted and how lame that move was.  It wasn't exactly what I wanted but it would do.  I seem to be less picky and easier to convince these days.

  I went to a gay boy circuit party for the first time since I moved here.  There were 6 rooms of shirtless Japanese guys of all different types, being openly gay as they wanted to be.  It was just like my days at Club Universe in San Francisco, but this was all Japanese.  There were even a few females there.  I met one, she was straight but she was still very cuddly and nice to me.  I was so enthralled with these Samurai themed go go boys shaking their hot short clad asses with the butt crack showing in front of me on the stages.  I wondered if any of them were bisexual.  1 out of 8 of them HAD to be.  :)  I was just looking up and admiring for many hours.  Japan's sexuality is so repressed and underground that when you do get to a place where its so out in the open it feels like you found your way into a Speakeasy in 1920's America.  Like, when did I just wake up and walk into heaven?  Or really, for me, its pretty normal to see this kind of thing, but NOT IN JAPAN.  People think Japan has perversions beyond the sex and porn from their own countries, they're right.  Japanese do a lot despite pixels blocking the genitals in all their porn.  Because the showing actual penetration is illegal it makes the sex acts that are legal more perverse, like bukake and other videos without penetration.   I love men and women.  Really.  It's a pretty equal love however, my whole life I have always been more attractive to men, so I've ended up in bed and relationships with more males than females.  Until I got to Japan.  Japanese men, in general don't seem to be attracted to me.  They do not approach or chat with me, unless I talk to them first.  I hit on this girl at the gay guy club.  I circled around her a couple of times and then I said hi.  We hung out for some time and she told me "I used to be a hooker."  straight forward as hell for a Japanese person.  But, I well know, sex workers are different.  "Really?" I said, "Me too!" and she was close to me for a few hours in that club packed with all gay men.  I was impressed with her frankness.  I spoke English with her so she could practice, and because my brain was all fried from partying that my 2nd language wasn't coming out as smoothly as my first.  Boldness is usually part of the DNA of the sex worker somewhere, or extreme closeting and double life leading, in which one of the lives she is an activist and very out.   Most Japanese people do the double life closet secret sex life who aren't sex workers.  They do this just to have normal vanilla sex because their society tells them it is a distraction from their really purpose in life.  To work.  Even affairs, marriages and more spring from the workplace and this seems to be totally accepted. 
The guy I hooked up with was Japanese looking but really Brazilian in the same way that I am American.  A Nikkeijin like me.  Japanese not from Japan.  Born and raised in a different country really changes your attitude and actually conditions you to be a totally different person.   When we made out he made little sounds which turned me on because I longed for the aural stimulation that I hadn't heard in so so many Japanese lovers.  So many silent dudes.  They don't even exhale when you suck their dicks.  I need to you feel me feeling you or else i might as well be licking the wall.  It would be just as entertaining.  He was doing enough of the right things that I had two great orgasms.  It is really really hot in Japan in the summer, and this summer is no different.  It can stay 91 degrees even at night.  I stay indoors writing this blog because going outside for fifteen minutes to the supermarket can make you exhausted for hours.  So, we didn't cuddle after fucking.  Usually I"m into that.  But I wasn't really attracted to this guy.  My mobile phone is having issues and needs repair.  He attempted to hang out with me all day to work on this problem, but I was already annoyed with him.  "Actually, I'm fine from here alone." I told him to get rid of him.  And I did give him my phone number, but I'm just not interested and never was, BUT, I fucked him and he made me come a couple times.  In the morning, we had sex again, but it was more for him.  His dick game was really really weak.  He couldn't get it in! I haven't been fucked with good cock in a really long time it feels like.  At least I don't need penis to have good orgasms.  All of this giving of pleasure that women do, would make it seem like the girl likes you and wants to hang out again, but sometimes its just a good one night stand for her. or him.  It just happened to me on the other side of the coin.  I liked him but he didn't want to have anything to do with me again.  This time dude wants me.  But, I have been detaching quite easily after fucking in Japan.  I am looking for a boyfriend...or a girlfriend, but this country continues to be a challenge for me in this department.  This weekend was fun.  I guess I was playing like a gay man.  Casual and quick sex.  No Strings.  and definitely not again with you.  Ha ha. ごめんなさいね！

A Rare Day in Tokyo: NanPan Man

It was a rare day in Tokyo for me.  I was stoned and feeling bold and great.  When I am stoned
shopping at Bic Camera can be one of the funnest things in town to do.  It’s far more satisfied
than going to a club and holding a drink alone in the darkness. At Bic Camera there are rows
and rows of exciting electronics that you probably want or need.  I was in the bathroom when my
edible high came on and I was obsessing over fixing my hair in the bathroom so intensely that I
didn’t even notice there was another female waiting for me at the sink to wash my hands!  Ooops.
Lately, there have always been FREE HUGS guys in the middle of Shibuya square experimenting
with breaking the bonds of Japan’s no touch society. While I was high and shopping I resolved that
on the way back, I was not only going to ask the 2 guys I saw on the way up there for a hug, but I
was going to ask for a group hug and ask them to hold me for 15 seconds.  In Japanese this is
known as “skinship.” And actually, upon doing an internet search, I found that skinship is also a
Korean/English term for the same physical affection that MOST humans crave, except the average
Japanese person. By the time I cruised back through Hachiko Square with my new bag of crap
from Bic, the two guys that I saw were gone. Zannen. I had a whole Japanese dialogue prepared
about how we were going to do a standing cuddle for 15 seconds and breathe together.  A short
Tantric on the sly bonding ritual, that I really was craving. It had been a few months since my last
intimate encounter, I’d told the last guy I was seeing to get lost because he wasn’t fulfilling my needs
for a future partner and he was just rearing his head into my consciousness (aka my LINE) without
really offering anything. I had gone to a Ladies Free night at one of the clubs that I frequent.
I got lost trying to find it and that was annoying. My sense of direction for places is one of my
most annoying traits.  I can get lost even if I have been to a place several times before. I get lost
even in Los Angeles and San Francisco. I get lost even with GPS because it has a delay and it
also doesn’t know which direction to send you until you start walking in a direction. For this reason
GPS doesn’t solve my problems because I have to set out in a direction that I guess initially and it
has a 1 out of 4 success rate naturally, so 3 out of 4 times it is wrong. When I got into the dance
part of the club there was no one inside. A group of guys that I didn’t feel like talking to and a single
female alone.  The music was crap so I decided to call it a night. It was a school night and I was
making an attempt to go out and dance since I hadn’t gone out on the weekend. So far, my
shopping at Bic Camera was the most exciting part of my evening. I tried to watch Japan’s World
Cup soccer game, another attempt to socialize with others, but the one bar I went in had no people
and the lights were on really bright in there and I could just imagine how that would turn out before
I even wasted 600 yen on a drink alone. When I got in the Den en Toshi LIne, my local train I gave
some guy sitting in front of me the eyebrow nod.  I was high and feeling daring and friendly, and
really I didn’t think much of it. He returned this gesture with a hard gaze in my face and I was
taken aback by the energy of it. I returned his gaze with bold attitude. What?  I said with my look
back.  You want something?　He didn’t look away so I had to first and gaze for a few seconds out
the window.  He was still looking at me when I looked back. From Shibuya my house is only 13
minutes on the train, 3 stops to be exact. Within these 3 stops he motioned the mime signal for
“Do you want to drink?” and I thought, Well, No Japanese man EVER asks me out for a drink in
 So I smiled and said Yes. He was pretty cute, as I recall and that’s why I even gave him the
eyebrows in the first place. We went to an Izakaya and had a few drinks. He asked me to kiss
him upon which I said no. I tried to push our one night stand to Friday upon which he said no.  I
made him follow me 1.4 km to my house from the cab ride to my local station. We both had work
in the morning and we had sex and I got him to sleep in my bed. I was in it for the skin ship. I
got to sleep with someone in my bed all night (well, in the end, it was only about six hours of time,
but still, I love every moment of cuddling that I can get in Japan. The sex wasn’t great.
It was just a fun rare adventure, like finding 1000 yen on the ground in Tokyo.  
Men do not ask me out in Japan and people do not make eye contact on the train in Japan.
If a man hits on you on the train in Japan, he is probably drunk and not feeling Japanese.
It something like a societal rule here. I’ve had drunk guys pick up on me on the street but
I’ve never gone home with any of them.  They usually say stupid things within 3 minutes and
never even have the brains to ask me for a drink to go slow enough to get to know my name
and allow me to feel comfortable to WANT to fuck them instantaneously. That’s Sex in Japan for
me. Sad and shitty. I’ve been trying to chat him up with no real warm response on his end though.
It was just a fuck for him unfortunately because I looked up his social media and found out he was
a performer and since he lived so close to me, he’d make a great boyfriend for a few months or
more if he only could realize what he was missing out on. But I guess he won’t. Zannen. Back to the routine of Japan.
Ho Hum. Until the next miracle.  

ASMR and other dirty fetishes

I’ve been on my blogs for a while it seems, and I’ve got some followers that I don’t even know are still following me, subscribers that get notice of when I write that are from years, some almost a decade ago!  I just made $60 sending some photos and mp3s of me (no joke) blowing my nose loudly and dirtying
up my feet by watering my plants on my porch. I used to laugh at these requests years and years
ago, so it was actually pretty fun to do them again recently.  Some people never change their fetishes.
I know for sure my kinks have evolved greatly over time, and I don’t think that the same things turn
me on as I’ve naturally grown and changed. I am one of the many many people in the world who
have ASMR (Autonomous sensory meridian response) and get turned on by strange sounds
like paper crunching and the way someone speaks or whispers a foreign language or runs
their fingers along a certain surface.  If you want to see what this fetish community is into you
can go to the porn tube of ASMR which is youtube. Just type ASMR into youtube and
you can see the large variety of things that turn ASM Responders on.  It’s actually not
super strong in me and I don’t seek it out obsessively, but when the trance effect does
happen it’s nothing short of delicious. And, it's not even sexual in a genital way by any
means, It is different than Tantric energy and different than physical sex.  Sounds literate
stimulate someone’s brain to go into a relaxing trance. Pages turning and African accents
have done it for me in the past, but again, it doesn’t affect the partners that I seek out.

I remember when I was a teenager telling one of my friends my fantasy was to have shirtless
men in just jeans stand around me with books turning pages while I laid in the middle of
them with my eyes closed.  This friend made me a cassette tape of pages turning, which I
still have. I stuck it on a painting he made for me. He passed away at the age of 26 so I
still keep his momentos in every current apartment I’ve ever had.  A friend of mine in more
recent years and I did have an idea of doing some kind of an ASMR outcall service,
which would be wonderfully safe and fun to do. These people on youtube are making
all these videos for free, I have to wonder if they offer outcalls or what they do with their
channels.  While it took me less than ten minutes to make both the dirty feet and nose
blowing clips and send emails with them attached, all the hundreds of videos on youtube
feature people doing ASMR erotica for hours in front of their cameras without real
compensation. I’m listening to ASMR Newspaper Page Turning (No Talking) Intoxicating
Sounds Sleep Help Relaxation while I type this blog entry, and while I am not sitting there
drooling in front of the screen, I have noted that I also haven’t clicked it off for something
else for over 48 minutes.  I’m still able to multi task and write this blog so its not putting me
into the trance state that I really remember liking, but yet, I haven’t turned it off either. Kyle
Minogue would have been off in 20 seconds max but page turning...  I remember sitting in
the library as a kid pretending to read a book when this trance would come on because I
was enjoying listening to other people read their books and newspapers! It doesn’t even
culminate like physical or energetic sex in any sort of climax or orgasm.  You just decide
to snap out of it and go on with your day. No tissues to clean, no visits to the Catholic priest

to forgive your sins. ASMR is the most asexual masturbation there is!