#metoo #ustoo #whorestoo part 1

The reason why I and many other sex workers found their way into the sex industry as a career was the first night that they work they realized something great about the power of their sexuality. More ingrained than just making cash on stage and in your hand to count at the end of a long night of lap dancing, it was the immediate reversal of the shame and feeling of guilt for having been born and grown into something that men desired to have sex with. It had to be me, not them. There was something fundamentally wrong with me for having gotten drunk with him alone, for having taken out the garbage in shorts at the age of 15, for going to a night baseball game alone with my boss and talking to him candidly about losing my virginity. My bad. Suddenly, when the blossoming whore or sex starlet (like Rose) tastes the blood that runs red through our societies swallows for the first time in a delicious and willing, empowering way it often becomes a path that we speed down without looking back. It’s like the moment when you realize that your period is not a curse, but the Universe’s greatest gift of life. This is the secret that patriarchy tries to hide and silence, and more than a decade later after having gone tired of the physical and objectification realm of sex work/sex object as a form of empowerment, I reached a new and different state of empowerment that I felt was far more sustainable than my physical beauty or any pile of cash. They can make it rain on you, but we soon get to know very well that the weather changes. Because there were things that happened to me before I even put on a 6” stiletto, it was for years wonderful to be able to vocalize my boundaries to men who were not the men who had violated my boundaries before or broken my teenage heart and hopes with their carnal desires. But I soon got tired of stripping and moved into sensual massage, domination and then escorting or having sex for piles of cash). I felt that I was ready to go there.

But more importantly, i wanted to dive into the deepest, lowest form of female existence that there was in order to see how she lived and ate and went to sleep at night amidst all of the hatred and violence and disdain from the men and women of the world.

Like anything else that I have become in my life, there were doors that were put in front of me to open, and doors that I walked through. I was not forced or trafficked, I walked into the darkness and walked out gleefully that I had not only survived but thrived...for a while. When I hear the tapes of women who were tempted with fame, connections, career boosts and more by Weinstein, I reflect upon the many years and the many wealthy and powerful men that I met through craigslist and backpage and the escort agencies I had. It doesn’t take long to reach sophomore status as an escort and I think that was what I wanted to get to. I wanted the idea of a man whipping his dick out on me or desiring me to not be so unnerving, and then later as my years as an escort flirted with danger on a regular basis, I later craved for the idea that a strange man could possibly rape and or kill me to simply not scare me. And I did this. I went to hell on heels and walked out alive and kicking, but like any other warrior, i had sustained some serious wounds as well.