To Domme With Love

To Domme With LOVE

Domination does not need to always actually be an act of cruelty.    There are many different Shades of Gray; we were reminded by The Secretary.  In both of these pop culture pieces, there was a love affair, albeit a twisted one but it was more than a hunger to give and receive pain or sexual pleasure that kept the submissive collared. It was arguably a connection of heart.

rope art by Hajime Kinoko

My Tantra kink teacher Francesca Gentille taught me the difference between dominance and being domineering.  She put into place something that I had been practicing for years.  Real dominance doesn't require whips, chains or any expensive outfits.  Certainly it can include those things, but it should never RELY upon external sources.  It should be your presence, knowledge, internal power, energy and skills that inspire their submission. And because i don’t have slaves that are forced to serve, I am able to convey my dominance and achieve the willing and gracious servitude of my very humble submissives through my confidence of character, practical teachings and intentional language of authority that wields energy skillfully as their dominant goddess.  I am a goddess not because I wear an outfit or deem all women to be inherently superior to men, I believe that I embody the energy of the fluid gendered divine force that uses my body as a physical channel. I believe that my submissives are gods that I am training and not trash. I can guide and mentor them to discover the power that they are unable to see in themselves through their trust in my transfer of knowledge and spirit into their physical body via my physical and non physical energetic body cock.  (Yes, I did say that).  But first, a MUTUAL trust is formed.  I cast my magical web of sub space around my beautiful god or goddess.  

And like kinbaku creations they are 取れあえずだね。Just for now.  一時的。Every moment is what we seek.  The journey, not the outcome. A climax.  A resting period.  An unraveling and starting over.  There are many lessons to be learned and exchanged in Kink and BDSM even without cruelty or even working with darkness so much as SHADOW.   All light needs shadow.  Life (flowers, crops, etc) need periods of dark to grow.  And so do we.    

Recently, I’ve been reading Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages as well as reading many other relationship theory books and online resources.  Chapman has more Christian devotional versions of his teachings than others, but the resources that are not so religious devoted speak to me and are relative to my life as a professional Tantric dominant.  Tantra is a spiritual philosophy not a religion and I am actually averse to teachings that are too heavy with Christian dogma, but Chapman has selections that seem to be written for the non religious masses.   I understand how to take what I want and leave the rest behind when learning, as you should when you are learning from the internet, me or anyone else.  The main idea of Love Languages is for you to identify, understand and start speaking and mastering your partner’s language of love, if your goal is to remain together and happy.   This is one of the things I train my submissives to do.  The results of my online test rank “acts of service” high as one of my Love languages, “words of affection” and “physical touch” also rank high.  I think within the kink world this type of physical touch can be broken down even further into pain, bondage, electric shock, however for the sake of simplicity we will focus on non impact touching.

My requests to my submissives are to try to make my life easier, not harder.  This is how you can prove your devotion to the goddess.  Sometimes, these can be a mere illusion and the tasks are just used as a training exercise to build my brand of “sub space.”  I know well, after years of being a dominant, however that if you really want something done well, you cannot let a collared submissive take care of it.  Perhaps for a few things this might work well with, but not with too many things and certainly not things of great importance.  Of course, as with all relationships the amount of trust usually increases with the amount of time you spend together, and I typically have only short term contracted subs and none of them have proven worthy of extremely important tasks.  Subs are after all still gods in training and I see them as students, therefore, it would be similar to a teacher asking the student to take over the class or watch the kids, too much responsibility too soon would be naive of the domme.   I am no brat tamer and have little patience for those that attempt to manipulate my kindness.
At this point of my career as a goddess, if you are teachable and submissive and willing to follow my guidance you are already speaking my love language.  If you call me ma’am and goddess as instructed, you are also speaking my love language.  If I call you my “sub” I explain to you that it is an earned title that not everyone gets because they think they are submissive, it is actually a term of endearment and affection for me.   There have been cases where once I realized that the person calling himself “submissive” was not truly submissive but manipulative or attempting to top from the bottom the title of “sub” is immediately dropped and they get no naming of any kind from me.  Maybe, even their government name is used, so that I can emphasize to them that I am on to their charade.  I spend little wasted time continuing to engage and usually we go our separate ways.

rope art by Hajime Kinoko

  In the art of Tantra, the energetic exchange using the heart is the other greatest element of how we can dominate with LOVE.  When I say this, I also mean directly and implicitly transmitting energy from my heart to yours, either by direct physical contact of your or my heart or by consciously directing the energy with my mind or by direct contact with my hand on your heart or leading of your hand onto mine.  If I am switching, I make sure that my domme knows that this is something that I actually need for reassurance of his love and trust.  It has the power to calm the nerves, breath and body.  It is deeply felt and instantaneous.   For me to submit, there is not just aftercare, there is during care.  My HEART is directly and implicitly involved in everything I do as both a dominant and a submissive.  If this cannot be attained, I am not interested.    

The Biggest Dick Festival in Japan

Kelly Shibari, of BBW porn fame happened to be visiting Japan in April and she told me that she was spending her day at Kanamara Matsuri, which isn't the only festival of its kind in Japan but it is the most well known, especially to tourists and resident foreigners as another Japonistic ecleticism. 

I was already aware of the spiritual ritual associated with fertility in Japan as Uwajima, next to my mothers hometown also has not only a similar festival in August but an entire sexuality museum that i had already visited with my Aunt, no less. (another blog, another day). I was heavily jet lagged from just coming back from Los Angeles 2 days before and I also caught a cold from the airplane so nothing, not even dicks everywhere could cheer me up but I definitely wanted to see the event "in the flesh."  I caught the subway from Tokyo 45 minutes to Kanagawa.  I already missed the best parts of the event it seemed, but being sick and tired and far away by public transportation, i was glad i made it.  The parade starts at 10am and then there are fun festivities such as the daikon radish carving contest that i missed! I roamed around in a head cold jet lagged haze and was so surprised at how many male bodied foreigners there were. Perhaps every male gaijin in Kanto was at this event it seemed.  It was very interesting to see Japanese girls and some guys sucking on dick shaped lollipops out in broad daylight since Japanese sexuality is usually reserved for private and specific times and places, perhaps this was one of those acceptable ones.  I got 2 pink penis candles and they are sitting on my altar, next to all things sacred at my home in Tokyo.  I have a fantasy placed by porn conditioning of having 2 dicks in my mouth so placing them on the altar helps to send that message to the Universe so i might be able to manifest that reality!  You would think it might be easy but, like many things seen and only done in porn it is a lot harder for any real dick owners i have ever known to simultaneously penetrate my mouth.  Ive asked! I promise i have.

There was just a lot of beer drinking and hanging out, a Kawasaki wedding type band was on stage playing their hits.  I couldn't drink and it was extremely crowded and hot.  The Japanese people were so excited that they could view and worship a natural part of the human body without GOVERNMENT SANCTIONED PIXELIZATION covering its beautiful shape for once. Indeed, this festival and ritual has beem part of Japans history for many centuries since Edo.   

During this period, the river town of Kanagawa was a port town that was well known for tea house brothels.  The prostitutes of the area would pray at the local temple to be protected from venereal diseases as well as fertility for hopeful mothers. 

Today, the large pink phallus has a name (Elizabeth) and a purpose (to highlight LGBT awareness by having the mikoshi (penis pallaquin) carried by male to female transwomen. Elizabeth is donated by the local queer bar so this part serves as a mini queer pride parade element in a sea of heteronormativity.  Luckily, sex workers in Japan today can use much more than prayer to protect themselves from STI/AIDS but the contemporary festivities seem to overshadow the spiritual and historical origins. But, sho ga nai (it cannot be helped). As i said, as a foreign Japanese American its great to see any sex positivity out in the open. 

Selling Used Panties to Grandpa p2

He asked to see my ass and made a grimace of pure disgust when I showed him. He grabbed his own belly roll to indicate that I was chubby.  He asked me my age and because I told him the truth which wasn't within the 12-30 age range that his clientele fantasized, and upon hearing the actual number which for some reason, I didn't lie about, I was even more disqualified.  Contrary to the blog post I had read, being of mixed race Japanese descent set me kilometers behind the true Japanese school girl in the panty selling race.  This exchange was definitely about me being a strong American diva who stood in stark opposition to the culture of the fantasized Japanese girl panty wearer. Sex work had evolved me into a diva warrior and I would never take it back for the days of living in a powerless world of feeling abused and victimized by the licentious garbage men who would whistle at me as a teenager.  Tales of empowered teenagers in Japan (ko-gals) who sold their panties to places like this and went on genki non sexual dates (engeiki-jo) with older men reached us in the U.S and I knew better than to think that the opportunistic diva spirit didn't reside under the skirt of some of the super kawaii girls too.

I came here for the experience of selling my used panties and I was not going to leave until I had completed that sale.  Grandpa let me take photos of the shop, which was a small room packed with school uniforms from different schools, some known as more elite than others, a large box of used underwear, and clotheslines with women's polaroids next to their associated pairs of underwear.  The blog post said bloody period underwear would sell, but the grandpa on shift told me otherwise.  I was so intrigued that blood stained underwear would sell according to blood type that i posted about this on my Facebook with quite a stir. In Asian countries blood type seems to be a determinant for dating matches because they believe it is something like horoscopes.  In Western countries, even if we blood test often for STDs none of us are ever told what our blood type is, I even checked to see if it was listed on my birth certificate and it wasn’t on there. This was another unfortunate thing for me as the seller because I had plenty of blood stained pairs of used underwear I'd love to off to the grandpas of Japan.  I went to one of the hugest comic cons in Tokyo recently with one of my friends and we observed so much of this school girl fascination in different illustrations it seemed like not being into underage girls was the true crime. “I'm just not interested in 12 year old lesbians,” my fellow American male said to me while we passed a poster of two anime girls in a wide eyed naked embrace fresh out of a bathroom together. “I bet this stuff would actually be confiscated if you tried to bring it back to the U.S as child porn.” It made me laugh to hear something so matter of fact in a non primal direction from a male.  He actually pointed out the fact that TSA inspectors are trained to confiscate material that pictured this scene exactly. But, to the Japanese viewer it was normal.  I had enough to write my blog piece and I was ready to leave and not return to this joint. The final selling process was similar to selling CDs in that it required your address and signature. When I finally received my 1500 yen I promptly headed down the stairs to look for a nearby bar to have a drink and message friends about the crazy and somewhat humiliating cultural experience. I assured myself that I got something more than a little cash out of the experience, I had some fun and definitely learned something new and strange.

Selling Used Panties to Tokyo Grandpa part 1

It was half out of curiosity and half out of financial necessity, because sometimes even tsking the train in Tokyo was expensive without clients. I had heard about Shinjuku Ropes from this cute European guy who was a guest at the same Asakusa hostel I stayed at for a couple weeks.  On his last day in Japan, he happily shared that his last stop in town was to buy a couple pairs of used panties from this notorious used panty and fetish place that, he suggested was a place I could also sell my used undies if I wanted.  He warned that it wasn't for a lot of money since he had bought 2 pairs for USD $7 but it might be worth checking out if I was in town.  I heard him say the compensation was something close to USD $15, which would barely cover the cost of replacing the sold underwear. He did warn me that the kinds they wanted were the big white brief styles, which were the kinds that were popular for upskirt peeking under a schoolgirl uniform, but on the day that I happened to wake up in Shinjuku with nicely worn underwear I was wearing thongs. When I asked him for the address of the place, he sent me this very detailed blogpost written by a Japanese Australian woman, which sounded a lot like a piece that could have been written by me, except I didn't fit grandpas fetish so my experience couldnt have been more different! The blog said that I could earn up to $40 per pair for showing my face, $30 if I hid my face and the maximum if i let him photograph me peeing in my underwear around my ankles. Of course, having had so many years as a pro I was down to maximize my experience there and ready to show grandpa what he wanted (even though in the U.S this kind of sex work would get me $150-200, i was there for the cultural experience and content for this blog, so I had already knew I wasnt in it for the money).

Upon arrival into the 2nd floor of Ropes, grandpa looks at my tattooed arms and says I don't qualify to even do the photos because Japanese schoolgirls don’t have tattoo sleeves, so the most he could offer without photos was $15 a pair. In Japan, having tattoos is a serious taboo but this place wasn't capitalizing on THAT taboo. Ropes specialized in the taboo that Westerners found hard to process because for us sexualization of minors is not only illegal but also disgusting and wrong and not in that kinky taboo way. In fact, most of the anime porn featuring underage school girls can't even be sold in the U.S. But, at Ropes, you can browse through entire racks of school girl uniforms from different schools, PE short sets, swimsuits, white sneakers and various other authentic apparel.

Grandpa is hesitant and slow moving, but not because of age. He's probably in his 50s but looks in his 40s like an Asian retired man typically does. He doesnt look like a Hollywood "Grumpy Old Man" type. I have to negotiate hard to make this 1500 yen. At first he wanted to offer only 1300. i had to use all my Japanese language skills to hustle this sale. it felt like my stripper days when Id have to work so hard to get that $20 dance on a slow $80 nite. And that is the thing that truly distinguishes me from being Japanese. I’m not shy, unsure, giggly and soft spoken. i've been a pro for over 15 yrs, travelled around the U.S and beyond doing various types of sex work. I knew what people have paid to experience my sexuality and I wasn't going to leave there without 1500 yen at least.  The entire negotiation took about 30 minutes of hard hustling for the sale. It wasn't entirely humiliating even though it could have been. I tried to make it fun, just like I did in the days doing lap dance sales.

MANGA KISSA THIS!!

What is "MANGA-KISSA?" (short for Manga kissaten--comic book cafe) It's a distinctly Japanese convenience, open 24 hrs with private computer workstations, showers, vending machine food and underwear/toiletries to buy and other conveniences designed for when you are stuck after last train or can’t go home for whatever reason. Unlike the male only capsule hotels, manga kisa are welcome environments for men and women.  Comfy office chairs designed to pass out in, headphones of course, gigantic screen I haven't used anywhere to work in MONTHS. i've been doing EVERYTHING by smart phone including writing these blogs so when I got in front of the 24” screen I was having the opposite of withdrawal!  I got the tip off from my new J roommate when i needed to find a place to print paperwork for my visa application and talking about missing Japanese 12am train curfew and what options there were aside from getting a LOVE HOTEL for $65 for yourself.  After drinking and dancing in nearby gay Shibuya (which was a red light district in Edo era Japan) I rented a cube for 6 hrs for 2400 yen ($12) took a 90 min nap in my underwear and then woke up and started to watch Beyonce videos while printing! Such amazing convenience I've discovered. If only i knew about this when I was looking for a room in Okayama. It's not a bed but it's not bad for the price, they do have other rooms that are only slightly more with a couch or tatami mat area that one could lay down and nap for a few hours. I still haven't got my laptop shipped to me so this is going to be a place I come back to work in the future even if I'm not needing timekiller til first train in Japan.  Things you learn only after being here or until someone local gives you a tip off that it even exists. Id seen some signs for these places and i swore they were for men only to jack off in the showers reading porn comics.  Why on earth else would you need a computer with internet and a shower in the same place? But once settling into my private cubicle, i noticed it was a safe and female friendly environment.  They have a makeup room mirror vanity with nice lighting, flat irons and blow dryers. So many things in Japan I so wish we had in the U.S! When I get a client call in the middle of something else I might be doing I would have to go dive into what I use to call my HOE BAG which had a wrinkle free summer dress, some platforms I hardly wear and extra make up so if I happen to be out sweaty and biking across town or hanging out with family I could do a Clark Kent maneuver into a local mall bathroom and come out ready for client work.  Having a hoe bag requires having a vehicle to store such a bag in however, and hardly anyone in Japan, including me has one of those so that's why these places are so great. Sometimes I want to dress up super sexy like I am used to back in LA, but its not like I have a car to park and make my grand entrance into where Im needing to go in Japan. I have to walk 20 min to my local station, ride an hour worth of trains usually just to get to the happening part of town. And after i walking back in mid afternoon wearing a Marilyn Monroe dress in small town Japan definitely stands out as the super long walk of shame.  Lucky my ego is pretty strong, but still Id rather have a change of clothes for the unexpected overnighter.  Manga Kissa is one of these things not marketed to foreigners. No English staff or signage.  If you need help, you better have a decent command of Japanese so you can get the help you need. I have a 50% competency in the language, but technical help can sometimes be difficult even in English at Kinkos right?

Turns out that since the manga kissa is designed for people to crash who miss last train, like everything else in Japan, you've got to BE QUIET!! Audio on headphones, phone on silent. So can you jack off under your computer desk silently? I suppose so, if you learned that skill as a young boy hiding from your parents or something but I guess If I were a dude, I'd head to a shower instead. Ears like mine are adept at hearing sex sounds and I'd be able to tell if the guy next to me were rubbing one out probably.  You definitely couldn't have sex with another person in your cube or in the shower here. Its heavily staffed and camera monitored. I've been told that lots of poor people live in the manga kissas, and I'd imagine it's a saving grace for many transient or drug using folks, tho Im sure if you looked too scraggly they would not allow you in.  You can hear people snoring loudly so luckily I carry ear plugs in my wallet so I was able to crash for a couple hours in my chair.

Jenna does doggy with anime school girls (VR PORN JAPAN DEMO NIGHT!! )

Japan's porn industry is reported as being double the business profit of the U.S (20 billion annually), all within a country that boasts HALF the population and porn that by Japanese law requires ALL GENITAL/PENETRATION be pixelated, including the genitals of animated characters! This across the board treatment being the most noticeable difference between the U.S and Japan, because in America cartoons like The Simpsons and Southpark somehow use the fact that they are "just a cartoon" as some kind of pass through the politically correct loophole; and they are able to present blatantly racist, sexist and otherly inappropriate for kids humor in a variety of ways.

In July of this year, a VR PORN event in Tokyo had to be cancelled due to overcrowding so when I an invite to try out the headgear needed to create the VR PORN experience, I decided I'd pay the $25 entry fee and brave the Japanese only presentation (i am only 50% fluent) just to get photos for blogging and see what all the uproar was about. Of course, if you have been in Japan for more than a couple weeks, you notice that they love to line up for promotions and and make a perfect fan base for early releases because they are so used to waiting in long lines to get access to what they want.  To truly create the ultimate VR porn experience, you would probably want more than just the visuals to embark on a truly stimulated journey. You could invest in the headgear and a full body suit or just separate elements that cover the genitals and gloves for the touching/fondling portion of your VR porn experience to be complete.  At the event I went to, there was only head gear. Each person was able to experience about 15 minutes of VR porn with an anime school girl wearing the VR headgear in front of a small room of about 25 other guys.  Options included choosing her to be naked, with school uniform or panties only however in accordance with Japanese law, her naked pussy was pixelated. She would repeat the same phrases over and over like a robot. “I'm scared” and “It feels good.” You could choose from a few standard positions: cowgirl, reverse cowgirl and doggy.  But, repetition doesnt seem to bother anyone in Japan, as the same train and city announcements get burned into your brain daily and eventually you don't even get annoyed by it!

If you tried to do your own thing with VR Nya Nya chyan all you would see was a mess of pixels on your VR screen. Since our demo didn't have the VR gloves or VR genital connector, the amount of stimulation received had to do with the skill of the viewer's imagination sensory skills. Having studied Tantric energy sex made me adept in getting sensation without direct stimulation. I found the doggy style position the most satisfying and realistic of the 3, however doing anything aside from a simple bouncing of the mannequin body was the only option that cued the VR models “fuck response.” I liked looking down at her ass bouncing back on my genitals. That may have been the best, most realistic part. Grabbing her hair and slapping her ass from behind, mainly a Western variation standard of doggy and not really done too much in Japan (being scared and resistant are more the standards here) were the little details viewers could not indulge in to personalize the experience.  Overall, I felt like the whole thing could use a lot of improvement.  You might play the 3D snowboarding game at the arcade and feel more virtual reality thrills actually. That game achieves the speed thrill, fear AND vertigo experienced in actual snowboarding.  Once the rider steps up onto the board you feel a virtual speed and weightlessness. You could probably smash your cock against a monitor at just the right height in a POV 2 girl blow job scene and get the same affect as the VR porn technology as it is now.  Sorry to burst your virtual hopes, but I'd advise you to wait for the 2.0 upgrade before stampeding any other otaku to get a glimpse.

PAUL MCCARTNEY AND A GOOD TAIMA (cannabis in Japanese)

Paul McCartney learned in the summer of 79 when he tried to bring a half pound of marijuana into Tokyo that Japan doesn't fuck around with their drug laws. Even if it was the U.S post war treaty that was the cause of the imposed ban, Japan STRICTLY imposes punishment to any growth, sale, distribution and research of the hemp plant in Japan. Not even famous celebrities, like Mccartney, former member of the greatest band of all time gets a pass.  In 2010, Paris Hilton, one of the wealthiest brand ambassadors whose family name has business interests in hotels all over major cities in Japan also did not get a pass, as she was denied an entry visa because of her recent drug convictions in Vegas. She didn't even have drugs in her suitcase like McCartney did.  Japan, like Canada and their DUI ban turns away those that have prior convictions from the privilege of touring, entertaining, branding or leisure visiting. Unlike America, fame and money do not equal power. Law and treaties seem to speak louder than ALL.

After WW2, all hemp plants were destroyed and the brainwashing negating any positive or spiritual uses of marijuana in Japan began circa 1945 and still remains. There are chants and temples dedicated to cannabis in Japan, part of the Shinto religion that is the second most influential religion aside from Buddhism that speaks of the cannabis plant as a spiritual entity. Bob Marley and I and many others would concur.  Cannabis helps to open pathways of energy used in ritual and meditation for Rastas and Hindus as well.   VICE did a great piece on the history of cannabis in Japan, how the blatant refusal to see the plant as medicine has limited them in the place of modern scientists all proving that cancer and cannabis have a beneficial healing link and how the current position of marijuana as a dangerous drug is laughable considering how much Japanese use and abuse alcohol and tobacco. Before the war, hemp was used to make strong rope which was used to laboriously pull giant stones to create the great samurai castles destroyed  by Allied forces during the war. Hemp rope was replaced by U.S imported nylon rope. And what we see in Japan today, like the castles themselves are replicated replacements of what was destroyed before.

My desire to live in Japan was stronger than my need to stay stoned in LA so i miraculously proved to myself that I could actually go longer than 2 months (my previous record) without smoking weed and going crazy. Although I often considered myself addicted to the substance, I have been surviving without it for nearly 3 months.  I was well aware that smoking weed was a buffer and an escape from the daily stresses of being a sex worker, for creativity as an artist and intensifying sex and food. Despite the stereotypes of being unproductive, which might be true for some stoners, for me, it made me numb out the pain of working so hard, long and late hours, bad clients and non payment...and sometimes, it was just used as a really FUCKING good time! Like Paul McCartney, I would take risks which sometimes ended up being stupid mistakes so I wouldn't have to fear being without my cannabis comfort companion for any amount of time.  I did not always (but usually I would) get away with it and would have to face the consequences of my actions. I was questioned for 5 hrs by Canadian immigration trying to drive thru with a pipe and then finally turned away from a visit to Vancouver the way Paris was turned away from Tokyo.  A friend of mine spent 2 months in Japanese jail recently trying to bring 10 grams into the country. 9 days for Paul and he brought half a pound in the 80s so I suppose fame and fortune did offer him a little bit of leeway.  My friend was in a Nagoya jail for 2 months! I've heard of it being around for sale here. But its $70 for ONE GRAM. So it is pretty much the same as quitting for me.  If Im going to pay cocaine prices, id rather be doing cocaine or nothing at all. I'll wait til I return back to LA. I try not think about it much, my brain has honestly adjusted. It's like having sex without a condom, it may feel amazing but its just usually not an option so, despite any stubbornness that some want to retain, your brain can and will adjust to get what it can out of this life. Humans are pleasure seeking survivors that way.